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So at Erin's house that night me and Addison fell asleep laying down on a couch next to each other. He was wearing a flannel shirt, so it was extra soft. I love it when he plays with my hair, and like strokes my shoulder and stuff. The best part was how innocent it was. There was nobody else there. Well there was, but they were all asleep too, and nobody minded. Nobody was judging me. Even if they had been I don't think it would have mattered. When I'm in his arms the rest of the world sort of melts away. I just want to memorize everything about him so I can conjure it up whenever.

The only thing that's wrong with this relationship is, of course, the suckiest thing ever. I never get to see him...well outside of school. It's mostly not his fault. I mean he could get his grades up, but his mom is acting kinda like that wouldnt help much actually. But for the love of god he missed Halloween, Winter Formal, and now he's gonna miss New Years Eve. Just saying those are kinda biggies. I love him, but it would be great to know he wishes he was here with me. I don't think he's ever come out and said it.

To answer Rich's question about pain we feel in our hearts. Yes, it's physical. There's a tangible hole where your chest used to be. It's not all in your head. I'm as qualified as anyone you'll ever know to know what that hole is like. The key to that pain isn't to deal with it, like everyone says. That's complete bullshit. People say that so you'll stfu and let them live their lives. You deal with the holes in ur heart and the pain in ur chest by getting someone else. Someone who fills the holes the last person left. Someone who picks us up and dusts us off and reminds us that we're special and loved.

Well that certainly got morbid at the end there....

LOVE AND PEACE TO ALL