To elaborate...

Earlier I said that I didn't like the term 'falling in love' and I'd say that still goes...I figured a better sentence! Or term...

Wandering into love. It's like exploring a new place...say you come to the edge of some unknown woods that you'd like to see more of. You wander in a little bit. Get to know the person more...and there are beautiful things to be seen. Gorgeous, wonderful, fantastic things that make your heart beat faster and your eyes almost explode because there's so much to take in...but you keep wandering. Because at this point you don't have a choice. You have to see whats deeper...till eventually you do. And once again it's...infinitely more gorgeous and warm than you could ever imagine...

This relates to my life because Greg gets better every day. I am so happy :)

Imma go to sleeeeeeeeeeeep soon

Today was a shitty day at work and yesterday was too. i get really angry at people who yell at me when the problem is so obviously NOT MY FAULT. I don't fucking control when a pipe breaks and gets water in the projector. Sorry i'm not a water bender...

I had dinner with Taylor tonight. It was great. We talked for two and a half hours. It was really quite lovely. I adore talking to him because he understands my brain so much better than I can ever explain.

On a sidenote...I hate my mom when she talks during TV shows. Something amazing and emotional will happen, and she'll ruin it by talking. ugh ugh ugh. Whatever. We just need to learn to savor emotions.

gregory is really just what I need...it's fantastic :)

There are places I remember...

All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone, and some remain...


Huh...this song makes me feel nostalgic...

Here's a list of things I miss from my past...

1. I miss having dinners with Ziggy where he told me his problems, and listened to mine.
2. I miss Sean's friendship. It is probably not OK to say, but there it is
3. I miss Rich just in general. I miss the mischeif we would get into >:D
4. I miss adventures with Merecedes...but darling I'm getting another car. So we'll have plenty of those :)
5. I miss Taylor Trimble. The clock is ticking...he'll leave and I'll die a little

Here's a list of things I'm nervous about in the present:
1. FAFSA
2. What I'm going to major in...
3. If I'll measure up to what people expect from me
4. If I'll fuck up my new relationship
5. I'm nervous I'm not enough to do what I want

Here's a list of things I'm excited for in the future:
1. College
2. Seeing the person I'll become
3. The Weekend
4. For the Theatre II show to be OVER
5. Love

hmmmm...here's what I think

I'm not sure if the term falling in love is accurate? I mean...falling implies it's something we cannot control. And when you fall you always hit something...so maybe we could call it wandering into love? A process where you feel like you're exploring an unknown planet, and you just want to run through it and see everything...

but patience my children...experience must be tempered with judgement...

Yeah I just quoted Origins. Say what you want about a show, but I enjoyed the writing. It wasn't so deep that I was lost, but deep enough to provoke thought. Certainly enough to convince me that we were set up from the start to fall. Which makes sense. Being God would be awfully boring if you only had two very well behaved children!

...Maybe Lucifer was right to fight...maybe I should fight too. Fight my superiors who are wrong. Fight every injustice I see in the world...

But I am so tired. A good man died a death he didn't deserve. And he was married to a Pastor who changed my life. How can I continue having faith when I can't even see that those who do are happy? Or am I dirtying it? I suppose true faith is something you're born into, not something you can learn quickly or superficially.

How can I have hope in a higher power when I don't have faith for what it created? For the human race? i wish I had answers...

I wish I had hope.

huh...

Have you ever just frozen? Looked around and wondered...why? Why am I here? What am I doing? Is it beneficial? To me? To the world? To anyone? Does anyone actually give a fuck?

For example, once this pointless class is over I'll go do some pointless teching...for a show that nobody will remember in five years. I feel like I'm floating...

Like there's not much to tie me down...here.

Lincoln doesn't need me anymore. I'm ready to move on.

I so dearly wish...

Gregory came down from SDSU to see me today! :D Because...my sister's best friend's dad died. Sounds ridiculous, huh? That I would be upset by that...but guess what? He was married to the only woman who made me believe there was a god. Plus the Theatre II show was...difficult. IS difficult. I have to move many set pieces.

And design a fucking balcony! A GODDAMN SECRET BALCONY. for those of you that are like 'what?' yeah I know. Doesn't make much sense to me either. BECAUSE IT'S INSANE.

Seeing gregory was super nice though! We went to mcdonalds...and it was super nice. I miss him when he's not around

My pinky huuuuuuuuuuurts

So, I'm exhausted. Three days of work in a row. And the goddamn painted turtle Felix bit me and broke the skin on my pinky. I bled quite a bit. Not gonna lie, it was upsetting. So I took him out and made the little fucker run laps. Because I don't appreciate being bitten...

I love it when Mom blabbers on about stuff that I don't care about...I tune her out so flipping much.

I got a hair cut! not too drastic, but I got some bangs and also revamped my layers just a little bit. I like it a lot.

Valentines day was a treat! Greg got me some absolutely gorgeous orchids. They picture above is a crappy one I took with my phone but the beautiful colors are there! And I got him a Rise Against sweatshirt to replace the one that I kind of stole from from him... :) We also ordered in Chinese Food and watched 'Hes Just Not that Into You' (which Greg enjoyed a little bit I think) and also 'Blades of Glory'. I forgot how much I adored that movie. Lol I think my favorite line is when John Heder says 'Get out of my face!' and then Will says 'I'll get INSIDE your face!' oh yeah!

Well I love you all! <3