Big girl you are beautiful

Ok. I'm just gonna say it. I'm really sick of having to worry about my weight. I'm sick of being scared that boys won't want to look at me because I have a few extra pounds dispersed all over. So here goes the fucking rant.

Dear boys,

You say you want skinny girls. But a very skinny girl has almost no boobs and no hips. Which are the defining qualities of a female body. So...when you want a really skinny chick, you're really saying you want...well a body that doesn't have female characteristics. So...a boy? Yes I have some fat on me. On my stomach and my hips and my arms and in my wonderful delicious motor-boat worthy boobs. Which I'm pretty sure most boys like. So to all those boys AND girls who say that fat is gross and that everyone has to be skinny...

go fuck yourselves

Because I really really really REALLY am sick of this bullshit. Eating disorders are at an all time high in this country because we put so much pressure on young women to be ultra skinny. Girls as young as 1st grade are starting to become anorexic and refuse to go to school because they think they're fat and don't want to have to put up with that.

So, once again,

it's not a joke. it's not a reason to laugh at someone. it's not a reason to dislike or judge someone.

Rant ended.

Oh boy...

The predicaments that I get myself into sometimes are so ridiculous I wish I could tell someone about them. But I can't. Because there is not a soul in this world I trust to not judge me anymore. I guess that should make me sad.

I can't trust anymore. That's what sucks the most. Is that everyone I know would look at me call me a slut or an alcoholic if they really knew what my life is like.

And ironically, if I told them why I'm doing these things, they would probably say 'awww I'm so sorry' or something lame like that.

Consider this my lame depressing blog post.

I miss you Greg. God I really really do. But I can't stop moving forward.

Cold hearted bitch.

That's what I am it would seem. Because when the pain is too intense, I turn off all emotion. I simply shut down and become logical and borderline comatose. And I recently heard a girl who does this same thing called a 'cold-hearted bitch'. Granted, she was on a movie. But still...

It's really hard to deal with everything. And I'm sick of defining everything. I just want to have some fun! I don't wanna be always worrying about algebra and memorizing lines and handling stalkers and stopping people from finding out about me and you. Most of all I worry about you. If I'll have to give you your answers today. Answers that will destroy you. That you won't want to hear.

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning and the only way to make it better is to pretend I don't care.

Bringing Up Baby

Oh my gosh this movie is charmingly old school. Black and white with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant. It's about a crazy heiress who owns a pet leopard, and she falls in love with a zany museum curator. Lovely!

The leopard is real and totally gorgeous. And the love story is really charming. Both actors performed superbly and I adore it.

The characters are all portrayed really well, and I've decided that Hepburn is one of the most flexible actresses I've ever seen. After seeing her in African Queen, and then this movie I'm very much in love with her. She plays zany very well, and even though her character in Bringing up Baby should have been annoying I just found her endearingly ADD.

If you're an animal lover or a romance person watch this movie!

Sitting in class.

I'm sitting in Intro to Sociology, and oh my god it is so boring I think I might punch Michael (who is sitting next to me) just so that I have something to do.

The breakup pain is being overridden by working out. Every time I get sad or angry or upset I just jump on the treadmill. I spent 2 hours running yesterday...so that was good. I guess I'll just be a skinnier version of me, which is something I really want.

The new haircut is working out really nicely. I think it's pretty. Plus, it frames my face really well. And looks cute in pigtails and a ponytail! Whoo!

God I'm ignoring Sociology so badly...oh well.

Ugh!!!!!!

Yeah, this pain is super intense. It's getting really hard to get through daily tasks. I cry a lot. Not sleeping too well either.

I love Firefly...it's a fun show

Oh boy...

I just realized that the entry before the break up one was me talking about the adventures we'd have. Ugh...as if I don't have enough to cry about these days. Whatever.

I'll talk about something else. Saw King's Speech. I really prefer Black Swan! Which I was not expecting. I loved Colin Firth of course, but overall I found the movie rather boring. It was done well both costume and directing wise, but the overall plotline was underwhelming to me. Although the acting was AMAZING!

Still, I think Black Swan should have won best picture. Just saying...

I got a haircut! I won't go into details about it, cause it's cute and I like surprising people with it.

I still love Greg...and I think maybe we'll be able to work things out? I guess I'm not sure of anything right now.

It's sad to know that spring break ends on Sunday...