Soooooooo...sometimes I feel beautiful and sometimes i really REALLY dont...
and that's weird I think. I mean, how can you believe what you think about your body image if it changes so goddamn much? I went shopping with Angie and Tasha yesterday...and I love them both. But I'm just so fat compared to them. It's ridiculous. I couldn't find a single flipping dress that fit me. Which doesn't matter I guess, since at this point I probably am not going to Spinsters? I asked Alex and got rejected...VIA TURTLE.
But, back to what I was saying...I think I'm going on a mission to lose weight. Because I pretty much hate my body...except it's more than that. It's a desire to better myself...cause shit yo, I want to look like my sister. I really do. She's so flipping skinny. Goddamn it. Why did she win the genetic fucking lottery and I got stuck with this? I know I might be overreacting...I'm just really flipping stressed about it. About a lot of things...
I spent eighty fucking dollars on the Theatre II show. I'm getting paid back but still it's upsetting that I had to do that. Whatever.
There are not a lot of things that make me happy at Lincoln anymore...and I'm sick too. Not 'ha ha ha I'll get over it soon sick'
My hearts infected for the second time in two months. It can be fought by antibiotics, but still. I'm scared. Really, really scared. What if I have a heart attack? It's a real possibility...I could just cease to exist. What if that happened? I can't just die and leave you all here to stumble through this shitty thing called High School without me. I don't mean to make it sound like I'm Jesus or something but a lot of people depend on me. I need to stay alive...
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