I has a twitter!

http://twitter.com/sparrow278

tats me twitter if anybody's interested!

so...I had a birthday party!! there was 15 fucking people at my house! CRAAAAZY SHIT! And it was tons o fun.

My ex heintz not only utterly blocked me on facebook (i'm sorry, how old are we?) but also got a girl pregnant, and then married her. While on his mission. Wat. the. fuck. So I wasn't like wanting him back or anything, but I was looking forward 2 talking to him again. I mean I knew him uber well b4 he went on his mission so I was interested 2 see how much it would change him...only now he's gonna stay in Kentucky. It's weird knowing that someone I was once so close to will never again speak to me. It's kind of a loss...my heart is hurting a little not gonna lie...

I love Sean...I was at his house yesterday and i was falling asleep in his arms, and he kissed each cheek, and just kept going until he had kissed every part of my face. It might sound odd, but i felt so cherished then it was...aaaaa perfect? Extraordinary? I dont know the word.

and cassie pulled the trigger...

It's weird that someone else shares my secret on postsecret. I'm not suicidal or anything, that's just how I think I'll end someday...by my own hand. Kinda fits my personality if you think about it. That way things will be my choice.

Anyhoozle, on a completely different note: SOOOOOO Sean and I seem to be fighting more then usual, all because of Ziggy...apparently I flirt with Ziggy and Elias a lot. Which, honestly, I do sometimes, but it's always just for fun. It's nice to know every once in a while how cute I am. Goodness gracious I'm sorry it upsets Sean so much...I would never act on my flirtations. I wish he'd know that. I trust him. I want the same in return. But maybe I'll blowing this all outta proportion. That wouldn't suprise me. I tend to do this...

So...I've been hanging with Rich & Ziggy lots. And Rich's friend Caleb. Who drives me nuts and kinda annoys me but hey, what are you gonna do?

Anyhoozle, I love you all!

Forgiveness

So I was @ church today, and I had a notebook in my lap, as is my custom when forced to attend church against my will. I was looking at the giant projection screen and there was this rather abstract drawing, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what I was seeing in it. This was probably because I was a bit distraught.

Sean hung out with Addison last night, and I found this bugged me more then I thought possible...mostly because the fact that Addison was and is still so utterly happy when he broke my heart really pisses me off. I'm happy now, I am, but the unfairness of the universe is still a very big issue...it certainly irks me.

So I was writing this poem, because that's what I do a lot when I am overcome with uncontrollable emotion. I won't repeat the poem, because I doubt anyone here would care...but basically once I got done with the peom, I looked up at the projector again and I saw what I'm certain was there all along, I just didn't see. It was the virgin mary...and the sermon was bout being kind to others. I think this is some higher power's form of telling me that I need to forgive him...it's very difficult though....

idk...just some thoughts

Oh Tasha...

Darling, you never have to apologize to me for being in pain. If I wasn't able to handle my pain, plus everyone else's, I don't think I would myself...it's my talent in life to help people when they need it.

You meant so much to him Natasha. You were his universe for one brief moment there. Which is more then a lot of girls ever got with him. And I know you probably wish it would have never happened. But it did, and nothing will change that. It's terrible. But it's beautiful too. You were capable of breaking through his shell, even if it was brief. He cared about you. The only reason he talks about Zoey so often is because she left him decimated, and you aren't enough of a bitch to do that. You left, with some semblance of yourself intact. Whearas Zoey and Rich left that relationship with only bitter hearts and broken hopes.

I know it's not fair that they move on and leave us with broken hearts, and it feels like we've been in a car accident, and the paramedics came and took them away while we lay and bled on the street. Our lives sapping away...

But it doesn't have to be that way. You can fight back. You can do other things. Marching band was a great idea. Start writing peotry, stories, sonnets anything. Get involved in something new and exciting. Learn more about the wonderful person you are...and eventually instead of saying, 'what does it matter who i am, he left me anyway' you'll start saying, 'what an asshole for not seeing what was right in front of him.'

You are beautiful and smart, and so fantastically sensitive to the world around you. I have great faith in you that you'll someday change the world. God knows you've changed mine...

and stop looking for a new guy. one will fall right into your lap when you stop looking and start focusing on yourself. Believe me, I know. ;)

I love you.

You need to dole out your crazy in little pieces, not all at once!

So, there's not a whole hell of a lot happening right now. I work...a lot. There's lots of stuff happening at the Washington Pavillion right now, which is great, and it keeps me busy, but I miss my friends.

I got a letter today that said that for this next summer, I could go to Australia with People to People...and I'm not sure if i'd do that or not. I think I'll regret it if I don't. But there's this informational meeting thing on the 22nd so I figure i'll find out right?

anyways I love you all, write more later!

Copy Girl

So I'm back from the North Shore! It was so fantastic...aaaaaaaaaaaa I love feeling like I am supposed to be somewhere...it's just a really beautiful place. i would wake up most mornings and look out on the water, and...I couldn't tell where the lake ended and the sky began. Just endless, endless gorgeous blue. I felt like I float away and just be warm and happy there forever...I think maybe that's what heaven looks like...probably how heaven feels too...I went and saw the University of Minnesota there too...it was really pretty. And seemed to have fantastic programs even if I have no idea what Major I'm gonna do. It is a very safe campus too, which is always a good thing seeing as I'd like to avoid rape if at all possible. My only problem being I'm not sure I want to be six hours away from my family and Sioux Falls. What it boils down to is a) go be near my heart in Lake Superior or b) be near my heart in all my friends. There's a lot for Libby to be contemplating...

I went to the Metro Station concert! I suprised Sean there, and his face was really adorable...he had no idea that I was gonna be there, because he thought I was coming home the next day! I loved it so much...it's just great knowing that he missed me as much as I missed him.

<3

MESOTHELIOMA!

SO.....I'm in Minnesota! THE BEST DAMN STATE THERE IS MOTHA LICKAS! Or for me at least it is...I love it here...it's great to just be around people who think like me...you know those 'hitler powers' that all of you guys say I have? My wierd charasmatic powers? Well I've already met two women who live in Minnesota that are just like me in that respect! :D it makes me uber happy...so it's basically a big state of Hitlers! Wait...that came out wrong...

So yesterday we got to Minneapolis (my mom was already here teaching a class) and we moved into our hotel room in the Hilton hotel. Kenzi and I went swimming, which was fine, but it was way more fun creeping around on the eleventh floor....the one with the presedential suites...we tried to get in to them but alas we could not. It was still fun though.

Today we're going to switch from Minneapolis to Duluth, and on Monday I'll be looking at a college in Duluth...I'm actually pretty excited for that. I hope I can figure out what I'm doing...like my major and what have you...shit I'm just not sure at all what I want in life...except that I want to protect people...I'm thinking of being a cop...idk if I could do that or not...

Well I love and miss you all... <3