Ugh so if anyone's read Tasha's blog lately, yeah I did have a shitty day yesterday...it was because I couldn't get words out of my head that haven't been there for a while. Ugh I choke on them like bad fumes they cloud my head and make me suffer. I think they'll cause cancer too...bad joke i guess...
Last night I had a really bad flashback dream where Addison dumped me again. And so when I woke up sobbing (not just crying, i thought I was going to rip in half from the pain, it really felt like it had that day) I found the old breakup note, read it again. And again...like the words are tatooed inside my eyelids....ugh...watch, I can recite them still....
Look I know you told me you were needy, but now i really think you should get some help with that. I wanna hang out with other people. And not just during school, but on the weekends too. You really need to give me a reason to stay...because honestly I haven't been happy for the past three or four weeks...
dear god. I'm crying again...please make it stop. I love Sean. I love him so much. I think that's why I'm so scared. I think the dream was my subconcious saying 'HEY REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME????!?!?!??!' I know Sean and Addison are different...but I'm just so scared. The pain still hasn't left me...it scares me so much.
God help me, I think I'm losing my mind...
School helps...except when Addison is around...lolz then it's only fresh again. I'm going to get over this. I'm a strong little girl. Sleep deprevation probably isn't helping...i'm going to sleep. I hope things'll be better tomorrow...
Something is scratching
Its way out
Something you want
To forget about
A part of you that'll never show
You're the only one that'll ever know
Take it back when it all began
Take your time, would you understand
What it's all about?
burn it. burn the note. believe it or not it helps. all your ties go up with the flames. i burned all the notes zoey and i had. all the tickets from movies we went to. cards she'd given me. and as the flames devoured those memories, i was freed like you wouldn't believe. that's what helped me let go more than anything. i have absolutely no feelings left for zoey. i feel the same way for her that i felt for her the day before i met her. in my mind, there is no zoey. plusss... shelbi's all i think about [; sean'll be good for you libs. trust me. even if it doesn't last forever, everyrelationship helps. but yes. burn it all.
ReplyDelete