Miss Independent

Looks like I'm Miss Independent again. Addison gave me a note on Wednesday saying he's not happy in our relationship anymore. Which meant I had to do 5 shows in a row without feeling the sadness. I didn't think I could block that kind of pain that sufficiently. Turns out I can. Go Libby...

I'll type the full note in here the next time I get on, at the moment I'm sleeping over and Melanie Whitlock's so I don't have it with me.

Basically though it boils down to this:
1. He needs to focus on his music
2. He's sick of me suffocating him
3. he'd rather hang out with his guy friends then me
4. He doesn't love me anymore

here's my reactions:
1. Bullshit
2. If he didn't want that then why the fuck is he dating me?
3. I'd like to think this means he's gay
4. Ouch. Major ouch. This is the one I won't recover from very easily....

We got a superior in the One Act Competition and Outstanding Ensemble Cast! It was pretty awesome.

Ugh...

So tomorrow we perform the show five times in a row for all the English Classes. And then I'll die. Ugh-cicles.

Addison and I kept fighting today. Not like heated debate fighting, like heart-wrenching I really love you but I can't do this anymore type fighting.

I do love him. He makes me so happy, or at least he used to. But I'm sick of waiting for him to be able to see me. I'm sick of not being able to call him. I'm sick of missing holidays and knowing that he's in Redfield all the fucking time. But most of all, I'm sick of his behavoir lately. The boys are blatantely more important then me. Whoopty fucking doo....

Laramie Project

Well for one thing from my last post, Justin and Gunn broke up :(. Only now Gunn is dating KC again, and there was only about 3 days of single time there, maybe even less than that. I don't think Gunn's been single for more then 2 days since the beginning of the year, and yeah that is an issue for me. What the heck girl??? Yeah, it hurts, beleive me when I say i know, but if you don't recover you'll never deal, and it'll all come crashing down in one horrible day/hour/moment.

LHS is doing Laramie Project this year. I scored the part of Romaine Patterson, and even though I wasn't really very familiar with this play when I tried out, she's the one I would have wanted anyway...but god this play is fucking me up. If hatred is allowed to progress to this point in today's society, if someone is allowed to be murdered because they're different how long until I'm next?? Or until someone I love is? My friends are different, and special. But if people are determined to hate someone that's different than what does that say about us?? Are we really just like our caveman-ish ancestors? Or have we all come to realize that we can, in fact, rise above those initial instincts and embrace our fellow man for who they are? I can only cling to this one hope:

If humanity can hate uncondionally, then maybe we can love just as much

So lately i've been trying to compare the two and this is what I've got so far: Hate creates more hate, and love does not.

A friend of mine suggested we are born with the instinct to hate, and that we learn love as we get older...I'm hoping it's the other way around. Because if we could pinpoint that one moment, that one experience or time in our lives that we decided that hate was ok, maybe we can eradicate it. A world without hate. That's something I would give my life to see.

8 days till school's back in session

HEY I PASSED ALL MY CLASSES! woo hoo self!

Addison is still out of town. It's getting worse. I'm starting to hate it here actually. Nobody is ever interested in what I'm doing or wants to hang out with me. I guess it wouldn't matter anyways. I'm not much use when I'm unhappy.

I switched all the posters in my room around for something to do, then I memorized some lines for Laramie Project.

What an amazing play.

LOVE TO YOU ALL...if anyone even reads this...