Laramie Project

Well for one thing from my last post, Justin and Gunn broke up :(. Only now Gunn is dating KC again, and there was only about 3 days of single time there, maybe even less than that. I don't think Gunn's been single for more then 2 days since the beginning of the year, and yeah that is an issue for me. What the heck girl??? Yeah, it hurts, beleive me when I say i know, but if you don't recover you'll never deal, and it'll all come crashing down in one horrible day/hour/moment.

LHS is doing Laramie Project this year. I scored the part of Romaine Patterson, and even though I wasn't really very familiar with this play when I tried out, she's the one I would have wanted anyway...but god this play is fucking me up. If hatred is allowed to progress to this point in today's society, if someone is allowed to be murdered because they're different how long until I'm next?? Or until someone I love is? My friends are different, and special. But if people are determined to hate someone that's different than what does that say about us?? Are we really just like our caveman-ish ancestors? Or have we all come to realize that we can, in fact, rise above those initial instincts and embrace our fellow man for who they are? I can only cling to this one hope:

If humanity can hate uncondionally, then maybe we can love just as much

So lately i've been trying to compare the two and this is what I've got so far: Hate creates more hate, and love does not.

A friend of mine suggested we are born with the instinct to hate, and that we learn love as we get older...I'm hoping it's the other way around. Because if we could pinpoint that one moment, that one experience or time in our lives that we decided that hate was ok, maybe we can eradicate it. A world without hate. That's something I would give my life to see.

Defying Gravity

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE!

There was a party at Bridget's house and that was fun. We consumed enough junkfood to fill any elephant and I get to take home the fun left overs! :) We also watched Edward Scissorhands and Ginger Snaps...yeah us!

Addison is still in Redfield, and he was at a party with other couples so he was extra lonely...

Gunn and Justin were at Bridget's...oh my gosh they're so cute. It's about freaking time some guy came along to take good care of Gunn, she really deserves it...

I feel like someone took half my heart and ran away with it...I want it back please...I miss Addy a lot. It's phsically painful now....and i know he wants to be here, but there's a big difference between wanting and being...

I am the strength of Elphaba and will pursue with hope

8 days till school's back in session

HEY I PASSED ALL MY CLASSES! woo hoo self!

Addison is still out of town. It's getting worse. I'm starting to hate it here actually. Nobody is ever interested in what I'm doing or wants to hang out with me. I guess it wouldn't matter anyways. I'm not much use when I'm unhappy.

I switched all the posters in my room around for something to do, then I memorized some lines for Laramie Project.

What an amazing play.

LOVE TO YOU ALL...if anyone even reads this...

X mas eve after baking

My mom and my sis and I made candy. We used like an entire can of peanut butter. It made me happy-ish.

I miss addison. lots and lots.

Watching Buffy isn't helping insane amounts. Xander and Willow cheated on their respective boyfriend/girlfriend with each other.

So, question? How much is too much on the cheating side? If the person just kisses another person is that too much? Or what about zero physical contact, what if it's just emotional connection that you dont act on? What constitutes cheating?

For those of you wondering why I give a f***, yeah I am flashing back to Morgan...but I'm too cowardly to ask more about what he felt for her. There's love where there was pain, and that's all that matters right...

X Mas Eve Morning...

My mom is about to force me to cook. I have a headache and I'm overheating...it's all good. And I wanna kill something. I love you all....

(^(%*%$^*%*

So at Erin's house that night me and Addison fell asleep laying down on a couch next to each other. He was wearing a flannel shirt, so it was extra soft. I love it when he plays with my hair, and like strokes my shoulder and stuff. The best part was how innocent it was. There was nobody else there. Well there was, but they were all asleep too, and nobody minded. Nobody was judging me. Even if they had been I don't think it would have mattered. When I'm in his arms the rest of the world sort of melts away. I just want to memorize everything about him so I can conjure it up whenever.

The only thing that's wrong with this relationship is, of course, the suckiest thing ever. I never get to see him...well outside of school. It's mostly not his fault. I mean he could get his grades up, but his mom is acting kinda like that wouldnt help much actually. But for the love of god he missed Halloween, Winter Formal, and now he's gonna miss New Years Eve. Just saying those are kinda biggies. I love him, but it would be great to know he wishes he was here with me. I don't think he's ever come out and said it.

To answer Rich's question about pain we feel in our hearts. Yes, it's physical. There's a tangible hole where your chest used to be. It's not all in your head. I'm as qualified as anyone you'll ever know to know what that hole is like. The key to that pain isn't to deal with it, like everyone says. That's complete bullshit. People say that so you'll stfu and let them live their lives. You deal with the holes in ur heart and the pain in ur chest by getting someone else. Someone who fills the holes the last person left. Someone who picks us up and dusts us off and reminds us that we're special and loved.

Well that certainly got morbid at the end there....

LOVE AND PEACE TO ALL

I'M AT ERIN'S HOUSE...DEAL WITH IT...

I'm also cuddling with addy. He's real cute...and i could go into more detail on that but i doubt anyone reading this really cares...just so all's you guys know though he did actually come over...and he's real good at stuff...tee hee...



LOVE ALL OVER