Not Smart Enough...Not Good Enough...Not Whatever Enough....

WARNING: CONTAINS LOTS OF SWEARING...I'M IRISH FUCKIN DEAL....

I know that for some of you, my constant need to save people is actually really a good trait...I find people where they are at the bottom of depression and I lift them up to the point where they feel they can make it...if only by baby steps....and when, on the rare occasion that I can't save someone, I often lose my mind a little, people usually don't realize that's why I'm acting silly that day...

Today a good friend of mine told me that he was happy because he'd be able to hang out with his toxic ex again this weekend. Let me be clear. This girl has decimated my friend. He became so cruel, so distant, so incredibly callous and weak when they were dating that I detested him...and when they broke up he was depressed to the point of near suicide. And even if he doesn't realize it...I love him...so much. And seeing him in that much pain was like a razor blade against my own heart.

I tried so hard to help him. Tried every trick I could...and once I thought it worked...once I thought, 'Hey, good for him, he found a nice girl!'

Well he didn't. He did it halfway, then gave up. And I don't think I can express to you how angry this makes me...in fact I'll vent it right here....

FUCK YOU! FUCK GOD DAMN IT! DUDE, SHE'S NOT WORTH IT! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DONT DO IT TO YOURSELF AGAIN. HOW COULD YOU GIVE UP LIKE THIS?!?!?! I TRUSTED YOU! You gave me hope that someone could recover from their world collapsing the way yours did. And if you recall sir, mine collapsed the same way earlier that year...I needed you! YOU WERE MY HOPE! I thought, 'he can do it. I can do it.' Well...not anymore I guess....

I can't save him. And that hurts me beyond all belief, if only b/c i know how hurt he must be...to have to go through this....again...but he won't talk to me....I can't save him

I

can't

save

him

I'm jumping ship before the whole fucking titanic sinks...I refuse to be decimated by it.

I'm so mad....sooooooo sad....and yeah, i'm crying while I type it....fuck this. fuck life. fuck you sir. You're better then this. Fuck you for not realizing it....

I took my love and I took it down

I climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills

Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky

What is love

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, Ive been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Children get older

Im getting older too

Well...Well, Ive been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Children get older

Im getting older, too

Well Im getting older too

So, take this love and take it down

Year and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Well the landslide brought me down

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Well maybe Well maybe Well maybe the landslide will bring you down