Seany Boy

Tee hee I'm really REALLY glad that I'm dating Sean...he's just really nice. Yesterday Ginny Tasha Brian and I went to get him from his house and I climbed into his room so I could wait for him, and I decided that it's my goal in life to spend twenty four consecutive hours on that couch...it's fan fuckin tastic! He just makes me comfortable and loved and warm and slightly horny all at once...so it's really nice and I love it! :D

Merecedes: I'm so sorry you got hurt darling...I'm here if you ever want to talk

Tasha: Girl, you know I'm yours foreva! Call me anytime you're having issues.

Take the Trade and damn the rest!

So, as it would figure, just when some things start to go amazingly well in my life, one thing crashes and burns, and hits my heart harder then I ever want anyone to know...

GOOD NEWS FIRST MOTHA LICKAS!

Sean and I are finally dating! :D and it's bloody fantastic! I can talk to him for hours, and things never get awkward. No exaggeration. Yesterday I spent somewhere around four hours at his house, and even if we didn't talk the whole time (although he'll tell you it is pretty hard to get me to shut up...) it was still really great...I feel a connection with him that I've never felt before...and I think it's because both emotionally and physically we're compatable...for example he doesn't care that I talk lots because he doesn't talk all that much...and he's a good listener, which is a much needed quality for my boyfriends to have...

Then there's the physical aspect of things, and speaking of that...I have two hickeys...one's on my left side, and that one is the lesser of the two, and the other is on my right...and it's waaayy worse lolz. Can I just say here, yummy. Yum yumitty yum yum! Honestly, this kid blew my mind...we'd kissed before, and it was always very sweet and romantic and great because it had taken us so long to get there, so you could say that I'd been hankering for it for some time...but yesterday we were kissing and...ugh it felt like somebody set me on fire...it was very VERY good. And Sean is a very quick learner...can't wait to teach him something new ;)

On a different note, there's some bad news (isn't there always?)

Everytime I think your suffering can't and won't effect me Rich, you throw a curveball that makes me literally feel sick...I read your latest blog about how fucking great Virginia is and how none of us here in SD live up to your expectations and whatever...well here's my retort you hurtful son of a bitch:

YOU left Natasha ok? I can only assume she's the one who 'gave you the scissors' and whatever. YOURE the one who kicked her out, ok? She LOVED you man. She fucking loved you, the same way I did for a fucking year. Now it's different. I love you Rich, and I want you to be happy, but you won't let anybody in except for people who are guarenteed to hurt you. Natasha could have been your sunshine, your gift, your blessing...

Zoey and I recently had a conversation about you. She told me that you seek out the role of the victim...back then I told her to screw herself...but now I'm thinking she was right. Are you happy Rich? Being a victim?

Being miserable doesn't make you better then anyone else Rich. It just makes you miserable...

Don't worry Stratmeyer, there's always a part of my heart that will sympathize with you. A part that will hurt everytime you shut me out...so go ahead and keep playing victim, since it seems I'm the one who's victimized by it...

Family continued....

Lolz so i took a break previously so's that I could take a break! heres the rest o mi familia:

Ok so i don't have a pic of my biological father, but his name is Jeff and he's a karate master. Don't laugh. Seriously...he is! He's been one for forty years and I know he wants me to be one too...but I'm a lazy little girl...lolz. So...yeah he's a really angry guy. we've had to get new dining room chairs twice because he'll throw them and they'll smash everywhere. He hit me once. That was all it took for me to stop talking to him for a week and since then he hasn't done it! Whoo hoo! Hmmm...him and my mom got divorced when i was six, kenzi was four...i remember how much they fought before they got divorced, so i'm glad they split, otherwise they wouldn't be happy!!

This is my brother Andrew...as you can tell from his t shirt he's pretty damn egotistical. And the beer in his hand? Is there almost constantly...he went on two tours in Iraq...and in that time became a raving republican...don't ask me how that works! When he came back he drank a lot too...I've never seen him drunk, but he just drinks a lot...i think his tolerance for it has built up. he's not my biological bro. He's a product of my dad's previous marriage and he was adopted, so no relation at all. I hardly ever see him, and he lives in north carolina currently. Don't ask me what he's doing there. Andrew doesnt talk to me alot...not sure why...*shrug*

IT'S STEP SISTER TIME!!

This is Sara! She's Richard's youngest daughter, and she's really cool! She went on vacation to the north shore two summers ago. and the entire time she was studying to be a nurse so she kept telling me gross facts about the human body and yeah...ewww..lolz. She's really shy and likes to listen to other people talk...she reminds me a lot of Merecedes but without the talking...which is probably why I like her!

This is Jess, Richard's other daughter...she's really distant since she lives in Seattle. I've never really talked to her...but the baby is my nephew. Joachin (pronounced Wa-kine). She fell in love with an illegal immigrant, and had his kid, and now he's being deported...it's actually really REALLY sad...

Natasha darling, did you think I forgot you? Hella no! Tasha is my self-adopted little sister. She's one of my favorite people ever because she's utterly selfless, and doesn't even know how beautiful or strong she is. Which is ok, because she's perfect just the way she is. Recently, Tasha's had some issues with a certain boy. She had her first heartbreak, and I've been trying to help her as much as I can...it's hard for her. And I hate watching her go through it knowing there' not much I can do...

Tasha's a darling friend and sister. She's cute and funny, plus a democrat! :D

Love you all! <3

Let's take a break...

I could sit here and bitch more about my life I suppose...but I chose not to! Previously in my blog I did a long post complete with photos about all the people who I've dated in my life...so I think now I'll just do a rundown of my family! Yes, I'm copying Tasha's idea. I don't think she'll mind ;)

Ok, above there's a pic of my sister...lolz it's a terrible pic and I did that on purpose because otherwise I'd have to think about how pretty she is...which she is. MacKenzie is her name, and she's skinny and gorgeous and totally amazing. Mac can be utterly selfish and a bitch, but we're sisters and it's my job to put up with her. I love her, even though it doesn't make sense. Most of the time was protect each other hardcore...like last weekend we were swimming and some preppy girls came by and said 'ew' when I got out of the lake...I know I'm not very good looking in a swim suit but really? that was mean of them..and MacKenzie turns around and flips them off and just screams 'BITCHES SHUT THE FUCK UP!' and then turns to me and says REALLy loud 'they're just jealous because you've got something other then air in your head' lolz...that's just an example...honestly we're really good at shit like that. Kenzi and I have been through alot together...our parents getting divorced is a major catalyst for our relationship. it's hard to go through that and NOT be close...

RICHARD AND MY MOMMY! Ok so you've heard the horror stories about step parents? well fuck those...because I got a badass one...without a doubt the coolest man I've ever met...in fact sometimes I wish he was my real dad, because then i could be uber proud that I'm related to him. Richard loves music and has introduced me to so much cool stuff! In fact right now as I write this Richard and I have the house to ourselves for a week b/c my mom and sis went to camp, and so what does he do? he goes out and buys three different brands of my favorite flavor of potato chips because 'we need to test them out and decide whats the best' and then he makes ribs and delicious potatos...yummy! thats just an example...but whats more then that is that he has been like a dad to me...emotionally and just by being there to pick me up from school and whatever. he always gives me great advice and I love him!

My mom is a therepist. She's not the sanest woman in the world, but she is one of those adults that could easily be ten again for all the youth thats left in her personality. She's been a pretty good mom to me...and tried really hard so the divorce wouldn't affect me. She thinks she succeeded but...lolz that's a different story entirely...basically I often pretend my mom protects me even if she hasnt. But pretending spares her so I do it.

Well, that's all I'm gonna write for now. Don't worry kittens i'm not done yet.

Seriously?

I love those moments in life when you realize that the people you've let into your heart aren't even sure they're there...am I really so cold to Sean that doesn't know how I feel?

Let me clarify...I was talking to him on facebook and I made a joke about my sister not loving him anymore and he goes 'great another girl whos affection I have to fight for' and I was like 'who else are u fighting for?' to which he replied 'why ask a question we both know the answer to?' so of course he meant me. So I told him he didn't need to fight at all...that my affection was his...and he says:

Really? Because it doesn't seem like it...

wow...ouch? I am so sorry I dont live up to your expectations mr I can't forgive libby for not just liking me.

You know what? I love Sean I really do. More then he'll ever realize, and it's obvious he never will. But I'm human. I need more then a constantly cold half version of what used to be my best friend. I kissed John. Fucking deal with it! I'm sorry you didn't want me to kiss you and now you're dying on the inside because I wanted someone else for thirty seconds!!!

I'm not a whore. I'm not a bad person. I'm a girl who needed more then a 'no' from a guy. So bite me Seany boy.

Ughness

OK so John and I have decided that we should just be like, really cool friends. And he's going to help me out with my life in general...and it's just gonna be nice to have someone to flirt with idoly...but basically what John told me (word for word) is that I should be with Sean, and I agree with that...

So my only thing that I really want in life at this point is to date Sean. But I can't, because Sean has decided that he can't date me for several reasons:
1. Callie (his formal girlfriend) has hurt him too much
2. I'm not trustworthy because I kissed John
3. I'm basically a slut according to him

So basically the guy that I was attached to for the last quarter of school, the guy that helped me through my Addison crisis, and who I helped through his Callie crisis. I told him all my secrets, and I gave him a little bit of my heart...and he threw it out the window because he was jealous because he didn't have the guts to ask me to be his...fuck!

He knows me better then so many other people, and he still doesn't want me.

What do you do when the person in your life that knows you the best doesn't think you're worthy of their love and devotion?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when, you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know?

If I was a person from the bible...

Ok so I know this is wierd, but I was surfing postsecret and I found this postcard so I've decided to write about a wierd quirk of libby. As a child when I was learning about god and all the stories in the bible, I found that I related to Judas the most...because I don't see Judas simply as a betrayer like so many people do. Judas and Jesus were FRIENDS. They practically were brothers since they were together so often...and I guess in every best friend relationship I've ever had I'm the naughty one. I'm the Judas...and Kaylee or Melanie or Taylor have always been the Jesus...

Judas did what he did because he thought Jesus was losing it...he wanted Jesus to calm the fuck down and tone it down or the Romans were a-gonna kill him! Plus the only reason Judas even agreed to be an Apostle was because he wanted to help the poor...and that's what Jesus was all about before he went more into the 'son of god' dealy, which wasn't bad, it was just a different direction.

Idk, I think maybe there's a reason Judas did what he did...I think he gets too much shit. I mean, the dude committed suicide afterward...idk, just saying...things arent always what they look like (Wicked is a good example of that)

Ok...maybe much harder then I thought...

I thought Sean was ready to be mine, and god knows I'm ready to be his...but I brought it up again and he's been really dodgey....so I guess I was wrong? It's a great feeling to know I used to have two guys and somehow I've lost them both...John is too mood swingy, which I'm pretty sure is because he likes me but my age freaks him out so he bounces between jerk and affectionate. And I don't play that game. You're either nice to me or you're not, but don't freakin jump between the two...

Sean is reliable...he's amazing, he makes me laugh, I can talk to him for hours and not get bored...and he's just really REALLY good for me...but it looks like he doesn't think so...

Still single. Maybe forever? hope not...I'm capable of love! I swear i am!

<3

Two boys is an issue....

So...I kissed John. And Sean got mad and jealous. So basically I had a choice between the two...one uber hot guy who is too old for me, and really the only thing that he has going for him is that he kisses like a fucking pro...and the other guy I've been friends with for almost a year, and I already trust him, which is amazing on it's own. I don't trust easily, and once I do I do for life. So I'm going with the second guy. Because I know that he can make me happy...now my only issue is that I need to reel him in lolz....but I'm hopin I can do that. I'm going over to his house today...heres fingers crossed....

<3