Please....

Your hand in mine,
Trees stretch over my head,
Reaching up to the heavens

Each step peppered with kisses
each word peppered with love
I realize I have no idea where this path leads...

But as long as you're here

I don't care

Oh why hello there!

I really loved Spinsters! It went super well. To be able to go dancing with all my friends and tthen come back to Erin's and cuddle with my darling was pure heaven. I am very happy!

I really adore being around Gregory...we went downtown and just played around for like five hours yesterday. Did you know there is a candy store downtown!? Because there is. And we went there. Vintage hershey's bars! :OOOOO

Graduation is not very far away...

I think it's time for a lesson ladies and gentlemen...

There are quite a few girls who are getting their hearts broken left and right...so...I'm going to try to walk you through how I got through different breakups. Maybe it'll help? I'm not saying I know everything. I'm just saying I know so much more than most people know...


Well, first, there was Eric. My longest relationship. He and I ended because the love just wasn't there anymore...and honestly, even though there wasn't a connection between us I still missed him like hell just out of habit. You date someone for eight months, you get attached. I got over him just by...living. And there was quite a bit of time there were I was CERTAIN that I would never find anyone again. I would tell all my friends how 'boys didn't and wouldn't ever like me' well...that's an excuse ladies. Never give up on yourselves. You're beautiful. You'll find love. My breakup trick I learned here was to A) know when it's over, and end it. Don't just hang on forever and B) Get him out of your life. Don't see him anymore. You'll want to. Fuck it. Don't. He's icky and bad for your recovery...


Oh Addison...wat the fuck was this relationship about you might wonder? Well, I'll tell you. make outs...SO MANY MAKE OUTS. Lol, yeah it was basically a physical attraction here. He cheated on me in NY on a band trip. I found out many months later. And so we split. He had a new girl within the week. That made me feel awful. I had been used and lied to and of course I was an idiot for ever EVER FUCKING BELIEEVING HIM. Or that's what it felt like...only, I wasn't. If someone deceives you, it's not your fault. Especially when there was no way you could have stopped it. These men, these cheaters, are idiots because yeah hook-ups are fun. But love is better. And they'll neveer realize that...so breakup tip here: It's not your fault. And never be afraid that you're not good enough. With addison specifically I took on a view in life that I'm the only person that I'll ever have, so I should make myself interesting. I picked up Karate with a new passion, and I started realizing I love myself! :D

Which, my friends, brings me to the single most painful experience of my life. I still refer to it as the 'Atomic Bomb Incident' because I'm still figuring out who got cancer and health problems from it. I barely survived this one. And this boy reads my blog.

Sean, I'm only saying this stuff cause I really think some people need to know how to get through it like I did. PLease don't hold it against me.


Seany Boy here was the first boy that I fell into deep deep love with. We had a really good friendship before our relationship, and the connection was strong. I think that's why it ended so badly. We went up in flames. And then he started dating a girl who I thought was my friend. Again, over it. But at the time I took to not eating for days at a time. I would avoid sleep entirely. Because without these things I couldn't focus on the intense pain lurking at the edges of my life. However, through a series of misconstrued make outs (cringe) I began to realize that I was worth something more than that. I wouldn't let others beat me down. I was Libby Fuckin Trammell and I wanted love. Breakup lesson here...it hurts. Dear god it feels like someone punched a hole through your chest and you can barely get out of bed because the tears keep flowing. But, you can survive. YOU CAN SURVIVE. Just, get up. Do it for you. For your friends. Hell, do it for the dog. But get up every day and learn to live without them.

Because that's what breakups are. They're coming back from the dead and learning to livve again without that person there. That person who completed you. But, you can do it. I'm always here. 24/7. I've got tips and advice, and I can bitch-slap with the best of them :)


And sometimes, when you're ready, you'll realize there's a happy ending. But don't rush it! It'll happen sometime, and it will be amazing.

Just remember, you're not defined by your relationships. YOu're defined by you. So focus on that for a while.

Photography Class!

I'm currently sitting in photo I...

and I got over the fight with my mom. She let me back into her life when I lied to her face. That's really sad actually!

Going on an adventure with Gregory after schoooooooooooooool...

And Becca and Justin are back together...not sure how I feel about that. How much do two people have to destroy each other before they realize that they're wrong?

Hmmmmmmmm...

Got kicked out of the house on Sunday, and went to stay with dad. Only now Mom is saying I have to go home or she'll call the cops? I just keep saying, 5 months, 5 months, 5 months...ugh...I have 5 months until I can move out. I am so ready to. Fuck this. Fuck screwed up parents.

BUT i won't let this beat me. And I won't spew my problems everywhere....

I'm a warrior and I'll fight this

IT'S ALMOST THE WEEKEND

I am so excited about the weekend! Tonight I have Hu-Hot with Gregs family cause of my birthday. They really like me which is super nice because I like them toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Especially his dad. That man makes me giggle big time.

I'm really sleep deprived all the time. And tomorrow Melanie and I are determined to find prom dresses! ITS SO GREAT.

I love Mr. Jensen. Just saying...

I love you I love i loooooove you...that's all I have to say...

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...dear greg jensen,
I think you're really cute and love you lots
from libby

So, mom took away my phone because I yelled at her about reading ALL OF KENZIE'S NOTES. every last fucking one...Idk how she justitifies this stuff in her head! Seriously, what the fuck?

Had dinner with Ziggy today...that was really nice. i love just sitting and talking even though we're both too damn exhausted to have much to say. Me with school and him with work.

Well...that's all folks

and i got my phone back :)

Libby's Weekend...

I had a very interesting weekend...we'll start with the bad stuff...

I had the house to myself friday and saturday night. The cellar flooded and my car's battery died. Also, Justin Williamson left that night. Without really informing many people about his intentions. He just....left? And I don't understand how a person can do that. I mean, honestly, it's selfish. Because I had to comfort so many people about him leaving. I'm sick of people bailing and thinking its ok. ITS NOT. No matter who you are, you will be sorely missed.

Gregory was upset. And why wouldn't he be? His best friend just up and left him! Callie and Becca were upset too. And Justin's sister Sara. She called me sobbing...I've comforted so many crying girls because of that kid. And I still don't believe he's a bad person. I think he doesn't know the value of himself...he doesnt think him leaving will effect anyone. And it does.

However, Sara was not in school today. And word on the street is that she was going to get Justin back.

I understand the need to fly away. But for the love of God set up a job somewhere...have a plan. Don't just fucking leave...

NOW FOR THE GOOD STUFF :D

I spent basically all weekend with Gregory. It was positively lovely. He took my hand and traced 'I <3 U' into my palm and I just about melted. Honestly, I've never felt this way about somebody...he makes me feel beautiful and loved. I can't wait for the summer when I'll be able to see him all the time...yeah I think that'll be just lovely!

Oh, and he bought me 'Plants VS Zombies' And that is bloody lovely. I LOVE THAT GAME!

Hmmmmm hmmmm hmmmm...

The Theatre II show shall end in less than a week...and then...

...that's it.

No more Theatre...I am no longer an actress or a technician. I'm just another girl! Well, I guess thats what happens. Onto new adventures...

As I am growing up and learning new things and understanding myself more and more I am going to make a list of things that I feel I want to do with my life...a bucket list...here's a few things...(have i done this before?)

1. Fall In love that never ends
2. Have a child
3. Go to ireland
4. Meet Johnny Depp
5. Shoot/Stab a man in defense of someone I love
6. Win a major battle
7. Understand people
8. Get a college degree
9. Earn a black belt
10. Learn to play an instrument
11. Ride horses through a field
12. Save someone

yeah...that's just a few ;)

Paging Dr. Jensen...

mmmmmmmmmmmm life is fine...

The show is almost over. And greg's back for spring break! :D and that's really nice because I get to see my darling as much as I want! And that, my friends, is downright magical! :DDDDDDD

We eat lunch together everyday...and i love it. Next year it'll be this way all the time! :O happy happy days...

I don't understand?

So today I was pondering about Elias and some other things and I began to wonder...why people just pick up and leave...

Is it because they're inherently bored? Because they want to go out and explore? Or is it simply an impluse they give into? A spur of the moment compulsion to dare the world to end them...

It's ludicrious. I find these people disgustingly selfish...you are not JUST YOU. you will never be JUST YOU. You are, at your core, a compilation of people who love you, and people that you love back. I just really don't understand it at all...

how can you do that? Do these travelers just not have any kind of empathy or thought?

I don't understand...I just don't understand...

WHAT THE FUCK??!?

So, I was talking to Melanie's Chinese exchange student Shirley, and she's a Junior in High school and guess what??!

SHE HAD NO IDEA WHAT SEX WAS.

They don't teach them it in China at all. They only tell the girls that they'll bleed once a month but nothing about what it means reproductively! That legit blew my mind...to not know what it is and at our age??! She didn't know how babies were made or anything. And that is legit insane. I have absolutely no idea how I would have the sexual feelings that I do, not understand them, and not kill myself. Honestly, I would just think I was toooooooooooo naughty...

Anyways...thats my afternoon update.

Left to right now...

Sooooooooooooooo...asked Trimble to Spinsters...should be fun. That kids a blessing he really is! :D

The theatre II show is literally killing me

among other things...

I love you Gregory :)

TAKE MY EMPATHY AWAY

I'm so sick of this useless part of meeeeeeeeeee

I need to stop trying to save everyone...like tonight I can't sleep because Garrett's having a crisis and needs me. It's exhausting. But at what point can I say no? People just keep coming and coming...

Is beauty a gift? Something to strive for? or is it just a weapon?

Gregory is suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch a blessing. I honestly am not sure how I could have gotten through a lot of the past couple months without him...he gives me peace...

in a lifetime of war

Environmental science is hella boring...

Soooooooo...sometimes I feel beautiful and sometimes i really REALLY dont...

and that's weird I think. I mean, how can you believe what you think about your body image if it changes so goddamn much? I went shopping with Angie and Tasha yesterday...and I love them both. But I'm just so fat compared to them. It's ridiculous. I couldn't find a single flipping dress that fit me. Which doesn't matter I guess, since at this point I probably am not going to Spinsters? I asked Alex and got rejected...VIA TURTLE.

But, back to what I was saying...I think I'm going on a mission to lose weight. Because I pretty much hate my body...except it's more than that. It's a desire to better myself...cause shit yo, I want to look like my sister. I really do. She's so flipping skinny. Goddamn it. Why did she win the genetic fucking lottery and I got stuck with this? I know I might be overreacting...I'm just really flipping stressed about it. About a lot of things...

I spent eighty fucking dollars on the Theatre II show. I'm getting paid back but still it's upsetting that I had to do that. Whatever.

There are not a lot of things that make me happy at Lincoln anymore...and I'm sick too. Not 'ha ha ha I'll get over it soon sick'

My hearts infected for the second time in two months. It can be fought by antibiotics, but still. I'm scared. Really, really scared. What if I have a heart attack? It's a real possibility...I could just cease to exist. What if that happened? I can't just die and leave you all here to stumble through this shitty thing called High School without me. I don't mean to make it sound like I'm Jesus or something but a lot of people depend on me. I need to stay alive...

Weekend breakdown

Hmmmmmmmmm well I haven't posted in a while on account of me being at my dad's, who doesn't believe in internet...

I had a really amazing weekend! :O

Friday was stupid play practice, but then Greg and I went to his house and cuddled a bunch on his couch! Then we went to Melanie's boyfriend's house and watched Jurassic park! LOL I've decided that no movie can impress Greg because he's always finding the little inconsistances in the scenes.

Saturday I worked and had the worse day I've ever fucking had there. A kid vomited in the cinedome, a kid came up to me crying cause he couldn't find his mom AND a late seater in a wheelchair needed to be let into a movie all in THREE seconds. Not even lying. Plus then I look outside and somebodys getting arrested out front. Lol that made me laugh. It was an awful bloody day. BUT I went back to Gregory's and we had some good times there. He's such a sweetie. Then we went to Annie's, then to Jakes.

Sunday was pretty much Greg time too...

mmmmmmmmmmm he's amazing...I really think I could spend the rest of my life with this one...just because i'm never bored with him, and he's always playing little games with me and stuff. It's tons of fun! :DDDDDDDD

I miss Merecedes...