Not so good...

Sometimes when i'm sitting here trying to do homework or find someone to eat lunch with I cry.

Cry for the girl I used to be. Cry for the happiness and confidence that I used to have.

But most of all I cry for the lonliness.

There is nothing in this world like feeling alone

I'm watching Milk!

Dad got married today. It was actually a very nice little service. Both him and Karen have been married before, so I think it's not really a big deal to them.

Greg came though. Scored some brownie points with Dad. And I think without him I wouldn't have made it through. He kept me from losing my cool several times, as that poor boy is so often forced to do.

I hate the part of Milk where Harvey n' the Mayor get shot. Crazy Dan White and his fucking agenda...

I like the name Harvey. Sorry, random thought.

College isn't going super well. I need to find something that brings me joy. I don't feel happy on a daily basis, and I miss that. For now I'll find joy in making myself skinnier I guess. That seems to be my biggest goal right now. I eat a lotta salads, and jump on the treadmill every chance I get.

The LHS variety show was great you guys :) very good.

Musical Auditions??! Ugh.

So I tried out for the musical last night. Welcome to the biggest mistake of my life. I mean dear god people they stuck me between the two most talented girls for the singing so I got up there and sounded like shit, and then they had us all do a tap dance. Yes, a tap dance. Guess who's never tap danced once, in her entire life? This girl. Yeah twas quite the epic fail I must say. Imma horrible dancer.

I have a women's coalition meeting again tonight. That should be fun. It's basically a pro-choice, pro-equality group. I'm dragging my friend Zach Robinson with me because he won't quit mocking me about it. Tee hee.

Hmmmmm. I guess besides that not much is going on. Storming like a mofo outside right now.

And I would like to just say for all the shit DeRoos gave me, his Theatre class prepared me for intro the theatre up here like you wouldn't believe. I'm literally learning all the same stuff over again :)

Huh...

Well I hear that some people crashed the GSA meeting and wanted to talk about Lady Gaga instead of listen to the appointed officials of that club. If that happens again I'll be calling those people. That's my sisters' club now. Sorry ladies, tis just a fact.

Last night I had my first auditions! :D It was literally 3 hours worth of improv. That was odd...I'm sure I didn't get in. But whatevers.

Tonight are auditions for 'White Christmas' I have to sing in front of so many people...ugh...

chilling at home!

Just sitting at dad's now!

Tomorrow the Children's Museum opens up. I really think it's worth going to! It's six dollars to get in, and you can play on a lot of stuff! But I would wait a bit because it looks like we're going to be swarming with kids for a while.

College is getting better. I'm starting to get more comfortable, but it's still not as good as living at home was, but there are no parents. That's a plus!

Hmmmm....

I went to a women's coalition meeting. and a play tonight.

maybe the happiness lies in integrating myself?

First College Party!

I went to my first college party last night! With Greg! It was quite the adventure. In order to understand this story, you have to get that in Middle School I had some problems. I drank a lot. Mostly by myself. And it took me a long time plus a Taylor and a Melanie to get over that. I am now...so when I got offered a beer at this party my first thought was 'be careful' so I said no.

But here's where the fun started :)
Greg and I are sitting there, laughing and having fun, when the girl hosting the party said 'Want a cigarrette?' (no i don't know how I spell that...) and we were like 'nah'

So, just to finish off the night, because we'd gone up two rungs on the crazy scale, we got offered pot. LOL. To which we refused again. But it was just funny because we kept expecting to get offered heroin next or something. :)

So, yeah Theatre here is a little different than before. The good news is that I honestly think if you don't drink at these parties, you're ok. Like, nobody is going to make you or laugh at you. So I feel like it's a bit different than high school in that way. That seems to be the biggest change from high school! Nobody gives a shit what you do, and what's 'cool' doesn't carry much weight here.

Overall my biggest challenge here is that I need to realize that drinking doesn't make people bad. I had this idea drilled into my brain in high school. but anyways, the people themselves are really nice and seem very cool.

So maybe in the future, I'll skip out on the parties. Oh! And the theatre peeps were telling me how I was already the directors' favorite freshman :)

So thats something

Second day of classes!

Yesterday went pretty well. I think I'm adjusting really well...