Christmas! :D

I got quite a few things for Christmas! But my favorite one was our new Red Wii! :D

Then today I got to see my cousin Katie's kids and play with them. It's the best part about Christmas for me. I love playing with kids, especially ones as great as these kids :)

We played hide and go seek, and then watched Star wars until they got tired. Which, I must say, was hilarious. Because Tyler, who is six, was talking my ear off asking questions about the storyline of Star wars! Things like 'If Jabba the Hut is a bad guy why is Solo talking to him instead of shooting him?' and 'Why did Anakin turn evil when his wife died? Why couldn't he just get over it?'

:) Hmmmm. I have Christmas with Greg's family tomorrow, which should be great :) And, I got some great books for Christmas that I'm excited to dig into. Plus some Pilates workout tapes so I can lose some more weight! :D

Whoo whoo!

Things I love!

I love:

1. Christmas
2. My mom's birthday
3. Greg Jensen
4. Feminism
5. My sister being happy
6. My friends
7. Being home
8. Seeing everybody
9. Home cooked meals
10. losing weight (lost 5 pounds up at SDSU)
11. My 4.0 for this semester

Yep. Those are my happy causers.

Christmas LIST!

I just got done writing my Christmas list. And I had to do something this year that I've never had to do. I had to make a list for dad that had nothing on it that was on my list for mom. So that they wouldn't have to communicate and not buy me duplicate presents.

So that they wouldn't have to talk...

because ever since dad married Karen they have really started to HATE EACH OTHER. Dad figured out that mom is going to the same concert as him and he just got mad and said 'fuck' so whoo hoo!

I'm so pissed by this... I always respected them for putting all this shit behind them. But no. Now they hate each other...

You know what I hate most about that?

All I can see is that unless I wait forever to get married, when I'm old and settled, that marriage fails. I have never seen a young happy married couple. My parents have both been married 3 times. It's a great model for me to follow.

How can I ever trust in marriage when all I see is the shit it causes, and none of the happiness?

Get to go home!

I finished my last final today. Now I'm sitting in my room watching Buffy.

I'm really excited to go home. I will still have Algebra piled onto my plate. Ugh.

But that's ok. Because I get to go home. And play with my dog and talk to my sister. And I also get to talk to my mom and ask her what she thinks I should do with my major and such.

And I get to see Taylor and Melanie :) I haven't seen Melanie in a very long time...I'm worried about how different she'll be.

But hey, I'm still happy.

VERY very happy! :D

Hmmmm...

Here are my options for my future:

1. Go to USD, major in Social Work

2. Go to SDSU major in Communications with a minor in Political Science

3. Go to SDSU major in Sociology...

I always wanted to get my Master's in something. So I know I won't stop at a four year degree. So, I could get an MSW...(master's in social work) or maybe I'll end up majoring in something else.

I know I want to help people, and I want to be a key part of the gay rights movement.

So what major will help me do that?

On a brighter note, I think my auditions for Nuts went really well! I'll find out on Friday if I got the part.

What am I going to do?

I used to think that going to USD would be the right choice for me next year. Now I'm not so sure.

I don't know what I want to be. I don't know how to balance my passions and my major. I don't wanna be a Theater major because I don't wanna sell my soul to Theater like so many of my friends seem to.

I want to help people. Social Work seemed like a great idea. But the only school that offers that in the state (and I must stay in South Dakota because of money and because certain people are here) would involve Greg leaving SDSU to follow me. And I hate that idea. I hate him uprooting his life to just follow me. I despise knowing he'd leave all his friends for me. I. Hate. These. Choices.

Hmmm

I doubt anyone reads this thing anymore...Which I guess means I can say whatever I want on it and be safe?

I'm mad that you left halfway through the play. Not just mad. I'm hurt far more than you can ever understand. I worked my ass off on that show. And it was the first college production I really got to be a part of. And you left because you hate musicals. Well, hey, I hate some video games but I don't leave when you start playing them.

Fuck it. You'll never understand.

Well today started out alright.

Woke up, went to work. At work I learned how to make snowflakes and the time flew by. No big stressers except figuring out that I might not be able to audition for Capers. Which would be just fucking perfect considering I've been looking forward to it since this time last year.

And then I come home and have Thanksgiving with my dad. Went pretty well. Realized he's become so foreign to me since his marriage that I'm not sure I can even guess what he'll say about anything. I almost wanted him to yell at me because at least then I could believe he was the same.

Then I got home. And when I asked mom to communicate with dad better about when MacKenzie's social events are, she freaks the fuck out and tells me that I 'Don't need to tell her how to be a mother' Um...I don' think that's what I was saying at all mom.

Also, I'm starting to think that wanting to spend time with Kenzie is futile. Even when we sit down to watch movies or do shit together she usually goes to sleep pretty quick. Idk, I think I'm even losing that connection with her.

I don't want to live here this summer. I want an apartment where I can do whatever the fuck I want without anyone fighting with me or screwing with my life. But that will never happen. Because as usual all the things I want come back to a question of money. Which i don't have.

I'm looking for apartments though. Even though I'm pretty sure it's an awful idea. Maybe it'll be fun.

Oh boy oh boy

So I was thinking...and last year around this time was so different!

I was recovering from the worst breakup I'd ever had. I was dealing with watching another girl move in on the guy I thought I loved. And to run away from that pain Ziggy and I were kind of an item. OH my gosh I can't even believe how much that's changed! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH lol

Now I'm in the best relationship of my life. The girl that I hated last year is my sister's best friend. And I see Ziggy maybe once every couple months. And he's dating Sonya :)

Now for the traditional what I'm thankful for list:

1. My family! I'm so excited to see them today!
2. Gregory Royce Jensen :)
3. My sister who has the oddest way of always being able to tell what I'm thinking
4. FOOOOOOD. Delicious food
5. Sleep. Oh gosh I love deep uninterrupted sleep
6. The internet
7. Theater kids!
8. The Women's Coalition
9. Hedgehogs!
10. My sanity

Watchin' Degrassi!

made it home! it's only super icy out where I live. the interstate wasn't horrible! but I only went 55 MPH the whole way so that's probably why!

I'm sitting with Kenzie watching Degrassi. Fun shows and good company. whoooooooooo

So...sleepy

The thing that I'm looking forward to the most about going home is being able to sleep in without worrying about anything. About classes or appointments or anything. Just sleeping...oh man yeah that'll be nice.

And eating actual food will be a good time too. Plus, even though having a pet is fun in my room...he's kinda boring. And he hates me!

Dogs are better...

White Christmas! :o

I'm doing followspot for White Christmas! It's a cute little musical! :o

Come see it if you can! call 6886045 for tickets!

A list of things this world owes me...

So Isabel's blog kind of inspired me to write some things that I think I'm owed, but nobody's payed up yet...

1. My money back for this year of wasted education
2. A director's choice award from the man I slaved over everything for for four years
3. An award from the one act judges
4. My wasted time from countless relationships that did nothing but fuck me over for the next ones
5. Good food at SDSU since I'm paying ridiculous prices for jack shit
6. A better place to live
7. A thinner body
8. The ability to lose weight
9. My health back
10. My family back
11. My sister's car back
12. My childhood
13. My dad being single again so he actually gets of the fucking phone when I come home to visit

Hmmmm I think that might be it?

On a happier note, I got to go home last night. I saw fresh faces, which was really cute! And I got to see my family. Kenzie crashed her car :( and sprained her ankle. Now she needs this little boot thing to help straighten out her muscles or whatever. So if anyone would be willing to maybe lend my sister your foot, that'd be grand :)

DeRoos seems to be getting crankier and crankier every time I go back to see him. He's all snappy and he never really smiles unless he's making fun of someone. Or...maybe he's always been like that? And I just didn't notice? Idk...like Garrett had to leave for a voice lesson and D wouldn't let him. So I sat there and played mediator between them because D won't listen unless I'm telling him things. UGH!

I'm going to USD next year! And I'm not sure about living arrangements yet. Erin really wants to live in these really nice apartments but I'm all conflicted because I don't think I can afford them even though I really want to. My other option though would be moving in with Greg, which I know my mom would flip out about, and there are really no nice apartments anywhere near campus.

But maybe it's a rite of passage to live in a shitty apartment your first time living with someone? Also, statistics show that living with someone can double your chances of breaking up :/ and people who are married who lived together first get divorced twice as often as couples who don't. So the numbers are kind of stacked against me on that front.

But what if Greg goes to USD and his roommate is awful? Then I'd feel like it was all my fault that he's got a shitty living situation! D: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

These are problems for tomorrow!

...and I'm hiding a hedgehog in my dorm until Thanksgiving...

Growing Up?

I can feel myself growing up. And I can find all the cons about it, but nothing positive. I lost my home, and my family, and the confident person I used to be. I'm struggling to find what the good part is.

I guess it's that I can reinvent myself? A chance to design what kind of adult I can become? So far, I think I'm a politically educated, funny woman trying to be confident and trust in myself.

But I miss it. I feel like the pathetic adult who can't let her high school success go. Because she feels like her life there was better than her one now.

Ugh. I just have to hold on to the idea that in 4 years, I'll have a degree. Maybe one I can make some money with...and then I can get an apartment in Minneapolis with the people I love. And help the world as best I can.

I can do this...

Back home :)

I think I've gained back all the weight I lost lol. I made cupcakes here at home...and that was my UNDOING! :O

I'm getting my haircut on Friday :)
http://www.bestcelebrityhairstyles.com/tag/cameron-diaz-hairstyles/
check out the hairstyle on the top row in the middle! Where she has that sexy red lipstick on :)

I think it'll look real cute :) I need a change. I'm trying to grow some self esteem! I want to feel sexy and in control :)

I have to admit it's getting better...

I'm doing pretty well today. Woke up early to go take a test and then the teacher was like 'I didn't print enough, so you can all go hooooooooooooome!' Oh...ok lol. Well I feel like I wasn't really ready for the test anyway so I'm going to go ahead and see this as a blessing.

I start doing tech for White Christmas pretty soon...kind of excited for that.

I'm busting out Algebra left and right mo fos! I am going to pass that class...i'm going to i'm going to i'm going to.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllll...ta ta fir now folks!

I get to go home!

I'm really excited for this Wednesday. After my classes I get to just go home until Saturday :) I work at one on Saturday, so I don't even have to leave until 11-ish. WHOOOOO!

I miss my family and I miss just hanging out at home. I miss Rufus and Mom. But most of all I need Kenzie. I really miss hanging out with her, and she lost her silly cell phone so I can't even text her now.

Algebra is trying to slay me. I'm fighting back though. I must pass this fucking class! GAH!

I guess I'm better?

Pretty sure I'm going to USD next year.

Algebra sucks

I'm coming undone...

I just punched myself in the jaw...because I went online and figured out how many calories I consumed last night.

Maybe I'm going crazy. I know I'm not supposed to post things like this online but nobody reads this thing anyway.

I hate my body. Hate it. I hate how fat and awkward I am. How I can't fit into any of the clothes I like.

Yeah...maybe i'm going nuts.

I will...

I will lose weight. I will try to burn more every day than I consume.

I will try to stop hating myself for not looking like my roommate, who doesn't even realize how lucky she is.

God...I will try to believe that something higher than me set me to this task for a reason? Or maybe not. I guess I don't know...

I never realize how much I hate this place

Unless I've been somewhere different for a while.

I wish I could go to the Halloween dances.
I wish I wasn't weighted down with homework and obligations.
I wish I could feel sexy and flirtatious again instead of just here...


I wish a lot of things.

Visiting Taylor!

I'm up in Minneapolis right now with mom and Richard! We are staying at the big Hilton hotel. It's really nice to have a great bed to sleep in.

Tomorrow I'm going to take the train to go see Taylor at his college! I'm excited. It's going to be great to see Taylor and hang out on campus at U of M.

So...on a girly note...WARNING THE NEXT PARAGRAPHS CONTAIN STUFF ABOUT PERIODS

I am looking at this thing called the 'Diva Cup'? I guess that it like a cup that catches all your fluid, but you can use it again and again by washing it. It reduces the amount of waste I create by using tampons and pads. Anyway it looks interesting...

well! that's all for now

The only difference is you're down there...

Hmmm...well I'm in the talent show! I'm in a really cute little skit that advertises for Capers. It's really fun!

Well...hmmmm...what else?

Oh! I haven't seen Greg all day. He ran away with Jake to Vermillion so I guess that means that he's left me for Jake. Oh dear...

Also, it's homecoming week up here but I'm starting to think it's not worth it to get wasted since all these cops and stuff are around looking to slap underage charges on people.

My fondest wishes lately are really simple. College makes you simplistic. I just want a nice homecooked meal, some sleep in a real bed, and maybe some money for new clothes. But that's just about it.

I'm losing the desire to flee this place as fast as I can...

Ok...

I'm sorry if this is cruel or upsetting to anyone, but I feel it has to be said...and Izzy this might seem like it's written to you but trust me it's not. You're in the middle of something awful. The person I'm writing about has been wallowing in her something awful for about a year now.

Get over it M. I'm sick of hearing all my friends talk about how you run to them and ask it your ex is still happy with his new girl. he is. And it's a tough pill to swallow. But deal. Because now you seem crazy. Bordering on stalker girl.

My sister stayed with me!

My sister came and stayed with me last night! We are currently waiting for Larson to open up so we can go eat food...

And also, listen to the comedian John Mulaney. He's pretty funny :)

We also watched Fargo, which is a really fun movie.

I miss Kenzie a lot when I'm here. She's a very funny person who really gets me. It comes from growing up together without anyone else to play with. Then going through the divorce together. I think we're closer than the average siblings. We finish each other's sentences and what nots.

WELLLLLLLLLLL...

I think that's it. Except I really hate algebra...

Workin' In Da Box Office

So I'm sitting in the Box office putting in my hours for my Theatre scholarship. The people here are really fun actually :) It's sad to think that the Theatre kids at USD won't be as much fun from what I hear. But I really want a Social Work major and I'm not sure if I can afford an out of state degree...and of course there's the 'I wouldnt know a soul at an out of state college' thing. I am seriously looking at U of M in Minneapolis. It's so dang expensive...and I know people wouldn't be able to follow me there. Plus I probably wouldn't get in.

I'm starting to really hate Algebra...I'm taking Intro to Algebra and then next semester I'll be taking actual College Algebra n' Im really nervous about both. The good news is if I go with a Social Work major then I only have to take college algebra, and be done with it. Because social workers don't need stupid Calculus...

So I'm in the talent show up here at SDSU. It's called Cavorts. I dance to Cecilia by Simon & Garfunkel, All you Need is love, and The age of Aquarius from the musical Hair. It's a fun time and it gives me a chance to be social with the Theatre kids.

I can also do that partying though. I do go to parties every weekend but I've only gotten intoxicated once. I hate beer, and I'm really picky about what alcohol I get, so when they had vodka and lemonade I pounced on it. Even then I was conservative and only drank a few shots. Nothing to really phase me.

Well...ta ta for now!

Stuck!

Rock

me

hardplace

fuck algebra
yay for speghetti (or however that's spelled)
and I'm going to Vermillion today

AND ON MONDAY...I'LL BE AT THE OMAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Not so good...

Sometimes when i'm sitting here trying to do homework or find someone to eat lunch with I cry.

Cry for the girl I used to be. Cry for the happiness and confidence that I used to have.

But most of all I cry for the lonliness.

There is nothing in this world like feeling alone

I'm watching Milk!

Dad got married today. It was actually a very nice little service. Both him and Karen have been married before, so I think it's not really a big deal to them.

Greg came though. Scored some brownie points with Dad. And I think without him I wouldn't have made it through. He kept me from losing my cool several times, as that poor boy is so often forced to do.

I hate the part of Milk where Harvey n' the Mayor get shot. Crazy Dan White and his fucking agenda...

I like the name Harvey. Sorry, random thought.

College isn't going super well. I need to find something that brings me joy. I don't feel happy on a daily basis, and I miss that. For now I'll find joy in making myself skinnier I guess. That seems to be my biggest goal right now. I eat a lotta salads, and jump on the treadmill every chance I get.

The LHS variety show was great you guys :) very good.

Musical Auditions??! Ugh.

So I tried out for the musical last night. Welcome to the biggest mistake of my life. I mean dear god people they stuck me between the two most talented girls for the singing so I got up there and sounded like shit, and then they had us all do a tap dance. Yes, a tap dance. Guess who's never tap danced once, in her entire life? This girl. Yeah twas quite the epic fail I must say. Imma horrible dancer.

I have a women's coalition meeting again tonight. That should be fun. It's basically a pro-choice, pro-equality group. I'm dragging my friend Zach Robinson with me because he won't quit mocking me about it. Tee hee.

Hmmmmm. I guess besides that not much is going on. Storming like a mofo outside right now.

And I would like to just say for all the shit DeRoos gave me, his Theatre class prepared me for intro the theatre up here like you wouldn't believe. I'm literally learning all the same stuff over again :)

Huh...

Well I hear that some people crashed the GSA meeting and wanted to talk about Lady Gaga instead of listen to the appointed officials of that club. If that happens again I'll be calling those people. That's my sisters' club now. Sorry ladies, tis just a fact.

Last night I had my first auditions! :D It was literally 3 hours worth of improv. That was odd...I'm sure I didn't get in. But whatevers.

Tonight are auditions for 'White Christmas' I have to sing in front of so many people...ugh...

chilling at home!

Just sitting at dad's now!

Tomorrow the Children's Museum opens up. I really think it's worth going to! It's six dollars to get in, and you can play on a lot of stuff! But I would wait a bit because it looks like we're going to be swarming with kids for a while.

College is getting better. I'm starting to get more comfortable, but it's still not as good as living at home was, but there are no parents. That's a plus!

Hmmmm....

I went to a women's coalition meeting. and a play tonight.

maybe the happiness lies in integrating myself?

First College Party!

I went to my first college party last night! With Greg! It was quite the adventure. In order to understand this story, you have to get that in Middle School I had some problems. I drank a lot. Mostly by myself. And it took me a long time plus a Taylor and a Melanie to get over that. I am now...so when I got offered a beer at this party my first thought was 'be careful' so I said no.

But here's where the fun started :)
Greg and I are sitting there, laughing and having fun, when the girl hosting the party said 'Want a cigarrette?' (no i don't know how I spell that...) and we were like 'nah'

So, just to finish off the night, because we'd gone up two rungs on the crazy scale, we got offered pot. LOL. To which we refused again. But it was just funny because we kept expecting to get offered heroin next or something. :)

So, yeah Theatre here is a little different than before. The good news is that I honestly think if you don't drink at these parties, you're ok. Like, nobody is going to make you or laugh at you. So I feel like it's a bit different than high school in that way. That seems to be the biggest change from high school! Nobody gives a shit what you do, and what's 'cool' doesn't carry much weight here.

Overall my biggest challenge here is that I need to realize that drinking doesn't make people bad. I had this idea drilled into my brain in high school. but anyways, the people themselves are really nice and seem very cool.

So maybe in the future, I'll skip out on the parties. Oh! And the theatre peeps were telling me how I was already the directors' favorite freshman :)

So thats something

Second day of classes!

Yesterday went pretty well. I think I'm adjusting really well...

Classes tomorrow!

Oh man! So i'm basically just waiting for the roommate to get here! :O
it's pretty dang exciting i must say. I feel kind of lonely to be honest. I mean Bridget and Greg are really great to have around, but I mean like having a room that's empty is kind of depressing...

Well I mean it's half full. My side is pretty full lol

Ummmm...yeah it's just looking like the stuff here is going to be fun. Thursday night I have a bowling party to go to! It's for the people who got my scholarship! the theatre one.

New friends? Yes! :D

Just moved in! First night!

Well things are looking pretty decent here in the land of jackrabbits! :D

My roommate isn't here and wont' be until tomorrow night. But honestly it's nice having the room to myself.

Tonight we have a floor meeting where I guess I'll meet everyone? Most of the girls on my floor are impossibly skinny and gorgeous!

the theme this year is harry potter! I'm in gryffindor! Greg is in Slytherin....it adds a sexy sort of forbidden love flavor to our relationship :p

moved in!

well today i moved in most of my stuff! It seems pretty good so far. I don't think that I really have very much room but it's a dorm room so I don't think i'm supposed to.

my roommate won't move in until monday which is a little odd, but I can live.

PACKING.

oh dear lord packing for college is no fun! I'm terrible at long term plans and therefore packing is a challenge for me...

WHAT CLOTHES DO I TAKE?!

gah...

Raring to go...

You know I thought that waiting to graduate high school was the tough part of this whole going to college thing? yeah I was wrong. Here's a little tip for those of you going through this soon:

Find lots of fun things to do when you're in that summer between college and high school. I did some stuff, but mostly i'm just working the same boring job and plagued with anticipation for whats to come...

I love my new laptop on the other hand. I have it at starbucks right now. I really like having a reliable computer that wont take 20 mins to load my stuff up!

I love you alls!

:D Suprise!

Greg threw me a suprise party last night! :D

It was at pizza ranch. IT WAS AWESOME!

thank you so much everyone for coming! :D

I'm so happy...

I
love
you

It's My Birthday! :D I'm eighteen!

So, yesterday I went to church for the first time in a long time. And the sermon was about Ester and how she took initiative to save her people, even when she was scared. She didn't make excuses. Her cousin told her about a problem she could solve and she WENT FOR IT.

So, now that I'm an 'adult' with the world before me...I want to change the world. I'm not sure how yet...but you watch.

Imma do something great.

Times of Trouble...

Oh my gosh...so here I go...

top five rules of motherhood:

1. DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING. Only want your child to be happy without hurting others majorly.

2. DO NOT PUSH YOUR FUCKING DEAD DREAMS ON YOUR KIDS. We know, you didn't accomplish it in your lifetime...suck it up and fucking deal. Stop making your kids make up for your mistakes

3. STOP POINTING OUT YOUR KIDS FLAWS...I know I'm not perfect mom. But god forbid you could be awesome enough to say 'good job libby'

4. NEVER ASSUME YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOUR CHILD. They will hate you for acting like you're superior.

5. STFU AND LISTEN. The kids are trying to talk. If you listen and put yourself aside for two fucking minutes you might learn something...

Huh...yeah those are some good ones! :D

Well...imma sleepy buuuuuuuur...

Updates.

I like ke$ha. so deal.

I'm dying in this town. Same thing every fucking day. Get up and go to a job I hate that doesn't pay me enough to do all the shit I do.

once I get off I'll be too tired or too broke to really anything fun.

I'm moody and depressed and finding it harder and harder to smile with any real fervor.

I went and saw a comedy last night and I laughed in earnest once. The rest of the time I was trying to go along and get some happy inside me. I only came away realizing how lonely one of the main characters would be. Wow. Pessimist much?

I did like the new theatre though. I think that's what I need. what I crave is change.

Dear god if my mom tells me I have a temper I have to watch one more time I'll punch her fucking face in I swear.

My sister's a little theif who fucks over anyone just so she can get a laugh. I barely see her and when I do she's just trying to take what's mine.

I'm begging someone to
get
me
out
of
this
place.

I'm dying here.

It's my first time watching Jersey Shore...

This show is really stupid...

Anyways.

HORRIBLE DAY AT WORK.

I have an interview next week though for the children's museum in Brookings and I'mm really excited for that :)

New Cat meets old cat!

So we're trying to introduce my new cat, buster, to my old cat, maggie. This is not going well. Today we brought up Buster in a kitty kennel, and put him next to maggie and she FLIPPEDD OUT! Full on attacked the kennel...

Meanwhile, rufus is barking tons and ends up hiding behind me...

Degrassi!!!!!!

Kenzie is back from Milwaukee. I kind of missed her...IDK. It's nice to have someone who thinks like me back at the house. Because really, for all her bitchy-ness, I do love her.

Melanie left. She said bye to me at work. Taylor was there. Probably one of the single most tortourous moments of my life. It'll be worse when I leave Taylor.

I think you guys should go see 'Date Night', it was pretty funny. Greg and I enjoyed it.

NOTE: IF ANYONE HAS TICKETS FOR THE ARCADE IN THE WEST MALL, YOU SHOULD GIVE THEM TO ME OR TO GREG.

We are working to get the 12,000 ticket St Bernard that's as big as me :)

Well there goes one third....

My two best friends who have stood by me and reminded me who I was were always Melanie and Taylor. We were the trio, the triad, the triplets. Whatever. When we used to go to places like Melanie's church we would get asked if we were cousins. Close. There has never been a true crisis since I turned 13 that Taylor or Melanie wasn't there to help me with...

So what will I do now? Melanie leaves on Thursday. Taylor a scarce month from that.

What do you do when you see the parts of you you love the most slip through your fingers? What if I'm too much of a bitch to make friends at SDSU? What if I come off arrogant and asshole-ish?

What if my worst fears are right?

and i'm defined by those around me

because if that's true then I'll never
be
free

Goodbye Melanie. I love you like a sister. We fought like crazy, but you gave me the gift of seeing the world through different eyes. Before I met you and Taylor I was suicidal. An alcoholic who wasn't going to come back from the brink of the dark. You woke me up and showed me there was still light.

I love you.

Go to Utah and become the person I always knew you would become. I'm excited to see how you shake things up there :)

:)

I'm excited for life

day before! :o

TOMORROW GREG AND I ARE LEAVING ON A TRIP TO OMAHAAAAAA! :D

We're going to the zoo. I'm so excited!

I'm getting up at 6:00 and we are heading out bout that time. That's crazy awesome :)

Love you all! :O

Well Hey there Buster Baby...

So, my last post was me in the very pit of my lonliness...and guess who dropped out of nowhere?

I used to have a cat named Buster...we didn't get along. He ended up leaving with Richard's daughter (my step sister) Sara. Well, Sara doesn't want him anymore. So he's going to be living in the basement with me...and I like it :)Cause he's lost a lot of his friends now, just like me. I feel like I've made a good friend here. We found each other in the midst of lonliness? that sounds overdramatic I guess.

Imma go shopping with greg today and get Buster a scratching post! And a collar! :o

I'm pretty fucking scared...

What if I can't make it in college?

What if I won't be the adult I always wanted to be?

What if I become just like everyone else?

What if something really is broken inside of me, and I can never trust anyone again?

What if this pessimist inside of me never leaves?

What if I stop fighting?

What if I slip?

What if I fall?

What if I made so many mistakes that I'll never be able to climb out of them all?

My life is a compilation of what if's. And of course I'm scared. Too scared to move. I don't think I'm doing so good.

Job I hate.
People who will leave so soon.
I never thought I would wake up one morning hating the world and myself like I do.

I'm not sure what I'm becoming

But I know it's never something I aimed for.

Watching TV.

I am watching Bones. Oh gosh I love it. But anyyyyyyways...

Spent the whole day being sick ish on the couch. Greg came over and watched 'Trueblood' with me...

it was nice :)

Gee thanks, dad!

I got my schedule! And my Student ID and all that stuff...only I still dont' know what imma do for my major...
and that somehow makes dad think he shouldn't congratulate me...

lovely.

You want to know the only adult who's told me that they're proud of me? Richard Hauffe. He's a sweetie. He told me he's proud of the person I've become. And he's always been proud of my achievments, even if I don't know what I want to do.

Dad hasn't even told me he loves me for a while. I say it, he grunts.

Hauffe should have been my father. He's a stepdad. But at this point I feel closer to him than any other adult in my life.

Spent some time with Gregory today :)

Nothing but a mattress on the floor, a pizza, and TrueBlood on the TV, and yet I couldn't have been happier.

Your kisses tasted like Peppers.

Heaven.

Chasing Pirates by Norah Jones :)

Good song...

anywhoozles.

So I'm going through all my old e-mails that I've saved and I found a bunch of convos that Addison had when we were dating :o lol wow we were kind of idiots. Seriously, it's us both trying to be sexy and coming out really ridiculous. Go us. Lol.

I think forgiveness is difficult. Forgiving myself for wasting my time with things that never really worked...yeah. I need to learn to go easy on myself. Because in the end...

I'm all I have.

Lovely Bones...

Is a great book and an OK movie. Personally I recommend that book a lot more than I do most other literature. It will change you through making you realize how fragile we all really are.

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
can i handle the seasons of my life?


well I've been 'fraid of changing cause I built my life around you...but time makes older, children get older, I'm getting older too.

So, screw this. Screw feeling insecure all the time. I'm sick of being afraid.

I'm sick of worrying that Greg will destroy me the way Sean did. I'm tired of trust issues...

we have no time, none of us. Grab what you can, love fully. and fear can talk a walk.

I'm going to conquer this. I'm going to learn to give my heart fully again...

Its going to take time, but I will.

Oh man....dodged that one

So i found a lump in my breast this past month, and i have a really loaded history of breast cancer on both sides, so I was like 'oh shiiiiiit!' so I went in to see the doctor this morning and it turns out that when you drink Coke/caffeine as much as I do, it can make the muscles in your breast go rigid and you think there's a lump when there's not...dang. So girls, be wary, and remember, if you find something, see if its on both sides. If it's not, then see a doctor.

Sorry if boys reading this got uncomfortable. But seriously. It's really scary, so just deal with it.

My new roommate seems very cool and I'm excited to room with her next year. Meg and I have already planned out our color scheme for our room and which posters we are going to want :)

I feel really apathetic about everything in my present life, and very excited about everything in my future. This is the summer of my senior year and I'm...bored? I'll never feel this way again. The world will never be laid out in front of me ready to see which paths i walk.

It's really stupid actually. For every decision you make, for every path you decide to walk, for every door you go through, ten close because you didn't chose them. I'm frightened of making mistakes. I'm scared I don't care as much as I used to about so many things.

What do you do when you don't even care enough to figure out why you're a zombie of emotions?

how can i walk away when my roots are dug in so deep?

Ziggy Zig Zig :)

I was just reading Ziggy's blog, and he mentioned me soooooooooooo

shoutout! :) I miss you you readheaded silly person. I was watching the fantastic Mr fox the other day...thought of you! Oh man remember how ridiculous we were back in the day? I'm so glad you and Sonya are happy Zig :) I love you! And good for you moving out! GTFO! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUN. your parents suck ass. Oh, and i'll come visit you at Famous Dave's :)

Take two

I was going through a few old time posts and i came across one where I listed some stuff...and I'm thinking I'll do that again!

Things I miss:

1. Being healthy
2. Having something to do
3. Seeing my friends every day

I'm nervous about:

1. College
2. Keeping my job
3. Screwing up things that matter

I'm excited for:

1. College
2. Freedom
3. Gregory :)
4. Moving on

oh and you should all listen to the song 'shark in the water' by vv brown

Soreeeeee throat

Ok so this virus kicked my ass all over the place...luckily it looks like I'm getting over it. Still really sore, and my voice is very bad still, but i'm on the mend and that's important...

I've been trapped in my house for four days...i'm really upset by that. I want some interaction outside of this place. I think that's the part that sucks the most about being ill...

Well...

I love you guys! hit up my formspring!

Hmmmmmmmm....

Well...the virus I have is on the mend. I mean I'm still in a lot of pain...but it's not as awful as it was before. The cough is the worst part of it.

Greg got his phone wet when he was in the lake yesterday, so communication with him is cut off which makes me a sad panda...

Dark rooms, empty
rain coming down outside
the smell reminds me of you
it's something that centers me

I'm very much in need of some company...my house is empty...

SICK!

My throat is super sore...I called in sick to work and that's the first time I've done that at the pavilion...so hopefully they aren't that mad at me. However, I could never do my job without a voice so that's out!

Um...I'm madly in love with Greg Jensen...he's pretty much everything I could ever want. I desperately want to get out of sick-ville because tomorrow is our 5 monthaversary and we have a real fun date planned and i don't wanna be too ill to go! D:

I have pounds of cold stuff to numb my throat and a marathon of Sex in the City.

Question of the Day from Carrie on Sex in the City...

'When women break up we always look for answers, for a lesson to learn from here. And yet men often have the ability to walk away. So the question is, why do we look for lessons to lessen the pain?'

HMMMMMMM....getting ill

I'm getting sick...

I work too much

Greg saw me actually truly angry last night and I nearly broke my laptop by taking my anger out on it.

Hmmmmmmmmm...

yep that's about it

rant...

So...being a girl kind of fucking sucks. I'm not a fan.

Oh hey ladies! You're gonna bleed once every month, and on top of that you'll probably have a few bleed throughs and if you're lucky nobody will see them but that's unlikely. YOu'll ruin your favorite underwear and jeans and in the end basically hate yourself.

And if you try to get on birth control that solves this unfortunate problem, youre fucked again! Whoo! Every hormone that you could possibly imagine will go bananas and make you wanna jump your bf one second and hate his guts the next.

And the whole birth control issue rocks because it's a bunch of bullshit for something that you probably won't enjoy anyway since eventually it leads to painful childbirth and then a lifetiime of caring for that kid who will never really be grateful for anything you do.

But hey, being a girl is nice because...um....huh...

Done.

Graduation was ok. I went to the wrong side of a rope and ended up messing up my whole row of people.

Didn't win any HUGE prizes at the senior party. Got a microwave though, which is rather cool.

And now for the emotions, which from my last posts I'm sure you can all guess...

I'm...

Terrified I've made the wrong decision in SDSU. USD, though I hated the campus, really just seems like a better school all around. I guess I haven't attended any classes yet though...just saying Erin and Annie already know where they're staying and everything. And they can have George Foreman grills...

i really am scared. I feel lost. What if I can't make it? It's so possible that I'll become depressed and slip into something terrible...something apathetic and self loathing. Maybe I've relied on friends too much. I'm not sure I can survive without them

Excited to see how I'll be able to fuck things up now that I'm an adult or whatever

Empty. There's just...so much space

And in the still after the storm I realized I was weeping. And it was not the rain, but my heart that was wetting my cheeks. I was alone. But free.

soooooo cloooooose

So lately I've been really depressed...and now I've realized whyyyy!

School sucks...it's really that easy. Work is really not much better but hey at least there i have some fun with the kids and all that. And I get money too...high school never gave me that!

So I think I'm a great companion to smart people, but not a smart person myself? I've realized that my best friends are all super intelligent in twelve AP classes and craziness like that...and I'm just kinda hanging out. Maybe it's my gift/curse in life to play with bigger dogs.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/149646/saturday-night-live-digital-short-great-day

watch that video. it's funny.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/sparrow278

I'm a little concerned...

I'm rapidly realizing that now that you're back, I don't want you to be. Stop talking about me to everyone

You're not the only one with problems.

But no drama for graduation.

I want to have some fun...

Why hellllllloooooooo there...

So, looks like at the end of the month Kenzie is going on a vacation with some peeps from Redfield. Addison, Andrew, Claire, Kenzie, John and like some other peoples I don't know. Guess how that makes Libby feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel...

terrified...

She's not always good at looking before she leaps. Idk what will happen to her.

Schooly School School...I do so wish it would both end and go on eternally.

I'll miss you all infinetly more than I can say...

Sometimes I can see what my future without you is like. It's cold. I'll have Greg and I love him.

But even he won't be able to fill the void left by the people I love.

Goodbye

To Erin who taught me that the world can be seen in so many different ways, and that the darkness can be a shield

To Merecedes who showed me that never judging people is a precious asset, and that being true to yourself is more important than anything

To Annie who has never once been angry or upset at me for more than thirty seconds, who taught me the value of a smile and a dry sense of humor

To Melanie who taught me that we only really fight with the ones we love. And showed me God

And To Taylor. Who stopped the blade from making it to my wrists. Who caught me when nobody else would. And who always has time for me

Oh boy. One by one.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!

Alright so for my Graduation present Greg and I are going on a road trip to Omaha to the zoo there and I haven't been on a vacation in soooooooo long! Gosh I just really need a break. And I keep going on the website of the zoo and it looks so amazing! :o

Plus I know I'll have a fantastic time. I always do with him.

School be stressin' me outttttt.

but i'll endure.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/sparrow278

I think love is possible in High School...it was brought up on Izzy's blog that it might be impossible for love to happen in High School...

I would like to respectfully disagree.

I believe that as Teenagers we are now, more than ever, capable of emotions overpowering us. Like Tinkerbelle in 'Peter Pan' sometimes we are only big enough for one emotion. And that's awesome. Because it means we can be taken over, ruled by, devoured by, drown in

L.O.V.E.

It's a beautiful thing. And it does happen

Very Panic Inducing

Questions
Keep Crowding
My mind

Nothing is safe

Everything is slipping
falling
slinking

a
w
a
y

and nothing will ever be the same

I love you
I love your eyes
I love your kisses
I love your soft hands
I love the strong arms that hold me
I love the hair you're never alright with
I love how you drive me crazy
by making me laugh
I love how not a single moment with you is wasted
I love the way you care
I love you
you
you
you


are my everything

and that scares me

but it's worth it

to be happy

I love you.

<3

struggle struggle struggle...

School is eating me alive...

and that's not even the half of it...

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/sparrow278

I want to make this world safer for those whom I love. I want the hate to stop.

I agree with John Lennon...religion is more of a problem than it is a solution...

No offense everyone. I was fine with religion before politics got involved. Now it's just another corrupt system full of brainwashed zombies...

The only exception I can find to this is Mormonism...they really do practice what they preach. Gotta say, I find that impressive.

Second post of the day!

Alright I did steal this from Madison, and encourage everyone to go check out hers!

but here...

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/sparrow278

Maybe I need some rehab...

Or maybe just need some sleep...

Because your love is my drug!

Woke up today with a love poem from Greggy! Oh boys...yes I could most defs spend the rest of my life with this one!

Monday he and I had the house all to ourselves...and I got a glimpse of what it's like to live with him...and hells yeah. I could do that. I would never get anywhere ontime, mind you, but hey, maybe that'd be ok ;)

If you're thinking of hanging with Libby on Saturday...well hey! I'll be at Mckennan doing the GSA picnic. Tickets are $5 and god knows we need to sell more! So let me knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

what you've got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out, my heart is fried
I just can't get you off my mind

Oh, and these are Ke$ha lyrics. :D

I calmed down...

Sorry I vent on here...but it's thereputic...

oh, and I really need more takers for my picnic on Saturday...

I am so goddamn sorry mom

So i don't qualify for the South Dakota Opportunity Scholarship because I didn't take precalc. So it looks like I'm fucked big time and can kiss that 1,000 dollars bye bye. And mom is very angry...

and in the midst of all this Kenzie just goes 'I'll qualify for this'

I lost it...

I'm sorry that I'm putting all this goddamn pressure on you financially mom. Sorry I can't be good enough to actually make you proud. I'm so sorry that I'm not a druggie like my sister or a super athlete like you always wanted.

I'm my own person...and I don't even really like me

I'm a coward and a waste of oxygen...

so now I wonder why I didn't let her mold me

maybe things woulda turned out different.

Prom Promity Prom Prom faaaaaaaaaace...

So, here is a lovely picture of Sir Gregory and I at prom together :)

I had a really great time. Most of this was because of him...I felt more in love with him than I had in a long time. And that's saying something! :D I really feel like I could spend the rest of my life with this one...there are no huge problems. With any other relationship I could tell you what I knew would end us. And with Greg that doesn't really exist. The shittiest thing right now is that I don't get to see him enough. And that'll change real real fast. Maybe the strain of me moving into SDSU and struggling to adapt to a new lifestyle will also hurt, but once again IDK if that'll be breakup worthy...

Other than that though I found prom to be...anticlimatic. I spend my whole high school dreaming about senior prom and I think I just built it up too much in my head. It was fun! It just wasn't life changing. I felt moderately pretty though, and god knows it's been a while since I thought that. Which is strange really. I think I would know I was good looking if Kenzie weren't there to show me what I could have had. What I missed out on. Genetics are the luck of the draw, and Kenzie drew the good ones. I got the fun personality, which I am not even sure is genetic.

And yet I know I could look so much worse! So hey, shut up Trammell. Get your head in the game and stop the pity party...:) sorry. I just had an external pep talk with myself! :o

I'm reading IT...I think I like it so far.

Law and Order SVU...

I was watching Law and Order SVU today and I just got really scared and really angry...

there's a rapist on the loose in Brookings which might reinforce my views here...

Rape is quite literally the worst thing that can happen to a girl in my opinion. It victimizes us women in the worst possible way, because we can never really function again in society...

I've never been raped...

But I'm terrified. I hate being a woman. I hate having to look outside and realize I've missed my chance to jog because it's dark out, and it's no longer safe for a girl.

I hate men who think they rule the goddamn world.

Dear Ziggy,

I am so sorry you feel that you're drowning in the shitty ness of life as of late. I know what it's like to realize that your significant other is older and therefore you're going to be left behind sometimes. Especially when it comes to things like drinking.

But I'm here. I care. I know what your plans are and I am so proud of you. You're taking your dreams by the horns and making them happen.

I respect that.

And I'll miss you...
and I'm not sticking around the Pavilion long after you leave I think...it just wont' be the same.

So...the choice is made...

Taylor is going to U of M...and I feel shattered ish. I'm going to miss him like most people miss their arms. And i cried a lot when I found out...through my mom. She just told me really publicly. He was going to call me and tell me tonight. And it sucks.

But enough with my selfish thoughts.

This will be good for him. I'll just learn to live without the guy that's always been there for me. Through 2 years of middle school and all 4 years of high school. Screw my own insecurity...

He'll be better. He'll be in a socially accepting place that's theatrically supportive. And...it's a better education.

I'm happy for him. I would have to learn to fly on my own sometime...I guess I'll just miss my partner.

I have other friends, but here, let me list them for you...
Taylor
Merecedes
Melanie
Natasha
Annie
Erin

...guess who's going to SDSU? None of those people. I'm giving up everyone I love. And I'mm terrified...

What if I'm not the same person...
what If I lose myself?

What
If
I
Can't
Make
It
?

It's Funny How Life can work sometimes...

I've begun to lose faith in my ability to rely on people...everyone leaves eventually, right? It doesn't matter if they can help it or not. They'll die, or get bored, or decide you're not worth it, and leave. How do I know this? Because I'm doing it myself to people around me. I'm growing up and in doing so I find I've outgrown some people...

Stop fucking talking about the secrets that people tell you. I've tried to make it clear to you that you're not OK when you do this. That you need a goddamn filter. but you don't want to hear it. Maybe now you will. But hey...you should also know that even though I talk a lot, I can look around and notice when it's time to be quiet. And that's a skill that takes developing. Work on it, or the people that are mad at you will actually start saying stuff to you.

Prom Prom Promity Prom Prom...I'm starting to mellow out about it. People assure me I'll look beautiful but the hardest critic as always will be myself. I remember my sophmore year prom. I looked amazing...and I knew it. I felt really upset when I had to go home and take off my dress and take down my hair and wash off my gorgeous new face. I hope I won't be quite as upset about that this year. Hopefully!

No matter what though Greg will think I look beautiful...and that's really super nice. I kind of adore that boy...but hey I guess that's a rant for a different time?

There is a certain couple I've been watching pretty closely...and I would say that the girl is definetly feeling the stress of her boy not being around enough. Gotta say, it's funny as hell.

:)

Dear Mom,

Please stop punishing me for the fact that you had another child...please stop making me cut my dates short because I have to go get her.

Please stop making is so obvious you think I need to lose weight so I can be like her...

Please stop undermining my confidence in SDSU

Please stop making me feel like I'm a shitty kid, when as Alex Danger put it today 'You're a good kid Libby, I don't get why your mom is like this'

I figure in the end I might as well have slept around and done every drug I could get my hands on...

You'd
Treat
Me
Just
The
Same

PS Thanks for at least paying for my prom jewelry. I can count on you for the little sparkly things in life

I hate runny eggs...

I have to agree with Ziggy in his latest blog...he has this theory that everyone is dying on the inside. And that some of us just deal with it better. Now I must say that's a little bit dramatic...but about 70% true...

I'm so sick of school. And I think my body is starting to reject food...it doesn't accept anything that I know isn't good for me. The second I try to eat something sugary i get really nauseous...and that's scary...

But I'd say the main reason I'm depressed is that I have been spending a lot of time with friends this weekend...and its really starting to hit me that I won't be around...I'll lose all these people. Sure, I'll come back, but I wont be that close with anyone...

And as selfish as it is, I am just dying to have Taylor come to SDSU...he's considering U of M in the cities and that'd be a better education for himm...but I'm inherently selfish and it's because deep down, I don't know how to live without taylor there to remind me who I am...I get lost sometimes. I have breakdowns and breakups and breakings...and every single one Taylors been there to catch me. And IDK how to do stuff without him there to help me laugh at myself...

I keep ending paragraphs with ...

Oh wells! Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I'm terrified of college...literally I shake sometimes thinking about if I'll fit in or not. Oh gosh...being terrified is not fun times for Libby. I think it's because I'm dating Greg, but I want to make friends outside his group of friends. In other words, I wanna make new friends but keep the boyfriend I have now. I'm not sure if that'll be difficult or not. I'm just going to try to be nice to everyone and keep up with my GSA stuff if that's possible.

I know it's easy to say
But it's harder to feel
this way

I'm struggling with the people who knew the old me
And those who are willing to see the person I'm becoming

Happy Birthday to Natasha and Annie! :o

Hmmmm...it was two of my best friends birthdays today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUYS!

We toured 'Where the Wild Things Are' today and that was actually really fun..well except for we got lost today. N' I had to save everyone but whatevers! That was fine!

To my friends who are suffering because boys are not very trustworthy and shatter your heart like dirty glass, I guess I just have to ask you, or beg you, to hold on. Hold on with everything you have, because in the end. Yeah, they took the parts of you you cherished the most. They shit all over what you had. And that sucks. It's painful as hell...but they didn't take all of you! You can make it. I think you're fantastically amazing. And, hey, just remember, they'll never have someone with really sexy blonde hair like yours...what? :p well I guess that makes this specific to one person, who i'm not sure even reads my blog. But it can apply to everyone!

Gregory is a darling as always. He wished both my best friends happy birthday and did it with pazazz, at least in Tasha's case. And I miss him big times. Jake needs help with his tux rental though so IDK if I'm gonna see Greg on Friday...but I'll have to carry on...

I'm hoping my weight loss thing isn't hopeless, and that I'll look OK at prom...I guess tht's what I want the most. A beautiful Prom picture I can show my kids someday...but it's totally unlikely...maybe. Idk. I guess we'll find out by the end of the month!

Like the new blog look? It comes from the link in the upper left hand corner! :P

<3

Ugh...sore nesssssssss

Weight loss for prom is not going so well. I'm starting to think it's a lost cause considering the dance in question is only two weeks away...

Went to the doctors office today and that reason'll stay private. But I did get a shot in my arm and that is really very sore...menangitis shots SUUUUUUUUCK.

School is becoming harder and harder to keep up on. I am passing but not by much. AP Lit and Comp is not going super well for me. I need to amp up my game...

I didn't get to see Greg Tuesday and that's realy sad...cause I miss the boy like crazy. Oh wells... D:

MMMMMMMM :)

This weekend was really nice! :D

Of course it was Gregory filled...and I love him. It took me a really long time after Sean to be able to trust anyone to be close to me again, let alone a boy that I was romantically involved with...but for once, when this boy tells me he'll love me forever, I believe him. And I'm not afraid. Not afraid that he'll leave and destroy everything he can get his hands on...because it's Greg. And I love him too...

I asked him to prom today! :o I used a giant sign and attatched it to the T-Rex we have at the pavilion. It looked like it was holding the sign! :D And that's really funny. But anyways I was like 'greg, what does that sign say?' and then he saw it and just started laughing! It was so great. Alex made a documentary of it. That made me giggle a lot.

Hmmmmmmm but enough about that perfect boy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNzrwh2Z2hQ

Watch that clip...it's fantastic. Legitly, epic. It's a remix of the 25 top billboard hits of 2009 and it was very good.

<3

The Answer Is blowing in the wind....

So, Arbogast had me call the Childrens Hospital to set up a time for our show to perform there. Isn't that lovely? She's having me do her job again :/ oh wells that's upsetting. I didn't do any better than her though. They put me on hold a bunch and then couldn't get ahold of anybody! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

Didn't go to school today. Went with my mom instead to look at Canton SD so she could get her new license plates for the new car.

Had a fight with Gregory. I won't go into details, it's just something I ought to mention...

The winds really strong today...its kinda scary! D:

how to save a life...

Well, I would like to lose some weight ladies and gentlemen...it's really bothering me how I look, and lately it's become an almost obession. But no worries, still eating and not vomiting or anything...just stressing about how my prom pictures will look. Because guess who the other two girls are? Skinny one and two. Melanie and Erin. Mel and I used to be the same size until she couldn't eat sugar anymore...and now she's really cutely shaped. Still curvy, but hotter. And i'm still fattish miss Libby...idk. I know I'm not obese. I just wish I looked different? it doesn't help to look at Kenzie and know she had the same genetic makeup as me...she just scored more than I. ugh. whatevers. not important i guess!

Gregory and I have a song now...tis rather beautiful! It's called The Fear You won't Fall by joshua radin. You guys should listen to it...it's a very pretty song.

Angels...do you think they cry? When they look down and see how much the world has changed since they were alive? Do they weep for all the doomed possibilities and lost causes? Or do they look to the future and feel their tears dry because in the end everyone will come to them?

Hell, maybe there aren't any angels. but i think there are...I feel it sometimes...

Which brings me to my belated easter thought.

the sermon in my church on easter was about how all of the stuff he did began with love, and how that made all the difference. I liked it...I think Jesus would have been much cooler than God. Not to insult God but, it just seems so much easier to relate to Jesus. He did what he did because he believed in loving everyone as much as you can...

So I don't get the hardcore christians that say they do what he does and then hate Gays and Lesbians...what? I don't think Jesus would have minded if someone was gay...he would have had them sit down with him and eat with him anyway, the same way he did with women in a time where that was unheard of. Jesus was a feminist...he would have been a gay rights supporter too...

Just saying

Hmmmmmmmmmm

Spring break was funnish! I had a lot of fun actually...I had to work a lot buuuuuuuuuuut, there was plenty o' hanging out time!!!

i guess my only comment is that i'm growing up...I like the person I am. And I can't wait to see what I do next... :0

Spring has Sprung!

Hmmmm...lovin the weather!

I've been pulling major shifts at the pavilion trying to rake in the cash. I think it's working. Plus i have tons o' money on its way for graduation, which I'm not quite clear on the spending of. Like, what I'm supposed to be doing with it. So i'm just sticking it in the savings account, then in my life insurance account once I'm eighteen. But that's a different story...consumer math actually taught me something not pointless! :O

It hit me today on my way to work that melanie will be moving to Utah, and that I'll never really see her again once we're in college. I mean I knew it, I just didn't think about it in depth. And that really flipping sucks...cause she's been one of my best friends for so long, I'm not sure I know how to not be around her...who am I going to piss off for fun?! Lol legit though...I started crying while driving. Lame. And not too safe either...

So I pulled this huge shift at the pavilion today, and then drove to Greg's house...and guess what? I walked in and he just picked me up and proceeded to carry me because he knew my feet would be killing me. Then he gave me a foot rub...which is amazing. Just saying, foot rubs rule. The world would be a better place if the leaders of every country would get together and do foot rubs once and a while. Future UN meeting idea? I think so...

I might shave my head this summer to help raise money for kids with cancer...Any people here who would hate me if I did so? I'm just saying, seems like a decent cause. Although I might be hideous for a while, but hey, whatevers...not much to lose there anyways :p

<3

Please....

Your hand in mine,
Trees stretch over my head,
Reaching up to the heavens

Each step peppered with kisses
each word peppered with love
I realize I have no idea where this path leads...

But as long as you're here

I don't care

Oh why hello there!

I really loved Spinsters! It went super well. To be able to go dancing with all my friends and tthen come back to Erin's and cuddle with my darling was pure heaven. I am very happy!

I really adore being around Gregory...we went downtown and just played around for like five hours yesterday. Did you know there is a candy store downtown!? Because there is. And we went there. Vintage hershey's bars! :OOOOO

Graduation is not very far away...

I think it's time for a lesson ladies and gentlemen...

There are quite a few girls who are getting their hearts broken left and right...so...I'm going to try to walk you through how I got through different breakups. Maybe it'll help? I'm not saying I know everything. I'm just saying I know so much more than most people know...


Well, first, there was Eric. My longest relationship. He and I ended because the love just wasn't there anymore...and honestly, even though there wasn't a connection between us I still missed him like hell just out of habit. You date someone for eight months, you get attached. I got over him just by...living. And there was quite a bit of time there were I was CERTAIN that I would never find anyone again. I would tell all my friends how 'boys didn't and wouldn't ever like me' well...that's an excuse ladies. Never give up on yourselves. You're beautiful. You'll find love. My breakup trick I learned here was to A) know when it's over, and end it. Don't just hang on forever and B) Get him out of your life. Don't see him anymore. You'll want to. Fuck it. Don't. He's icky and bad for your recovery...


Oh Addison...wat the fuck was this relationship about you might wonder? Well, I'll tell you. make outs...SO MANY MAKE OUTS. Lol, yeah it was basically a physical attraction here. He cheated on me in NY on a band trip. I found out many months later. And so we split. He had a new girl within the week. That made me feel awful. I had been used and lied to and of course I was an idiot for ever EVER FUCKING BELIEEVING HIM. Or that's what it felt like...only, I wasn't. If someone deceives you, it's not your fault. Especially when there was no way you could have stopped it. These men, these cheaters, are idiots because yeah hook-ups are fun. But love is better. And they'll neveer realize that...so breakup tip here: It's not your fault. And never be afraid that you're not good enough. With addison specifically I took on a view in life that I'm the only person that I'll ever have, so I should make myself interesting. I picked up Karate with a new passion, and I started realizing I love myself! :D

Which, my friends, brings me to the single most painful experience of my life. I still refer to it as the 'Atomic Bomb Incident' because I'm still figuring out who got cancer and health problems from it. I barely survived this one. And this boy reads my blog.

Sean, I'm only saying this stuff cause I really think some people need to know how to get through it like I did. PLease don't hold it against me.


Seany Boy here was the first boy that I fell into deep deep love with. We had a really good friendship before our relationship, and the connection was strong. I think that's why it ended so badly. We went up in flames. And then he started dating a girl who I thought was my friend. Again, over it. But at the time I took to not eating for days at a time. I would avoid sleep entirely. Because without these things I couldn't focus on the intense pain lurking at the edges of my life. However, through a series of misconstrued make outs (cringe) I began to realize that I was worth something more than that. I wouldn't let others beat me down. I was Libby Fuckin Trammell and I wanted love. Breakup lesson here...it hurts. Dear god it feels like someone punched a hole through your chest and you can barely get out of bed because the tears keep flowing. But, you can survive. YOU CAN SURVIVE. Just, get up. Do it for you. For your friends. Hell, do it for the dog. But get up every day and learn to live without them.

Because that's what breakups are. They're coming back from the dead and learning to livve again without that person there. That person who completed you. But, you can do it. I'm always here. 24/7. I've got tips and advice, and I can bitch-slap with the best of them :)


And sometimes, when you're ready, you'll realize there's a happy ending. But don't rush it! It'll happen sometime, and it will be amazing.

Just remember, you're not defined by your relationships. YOu're defined by you. So focus on that for a while.

Photography Class!

I'm currently sitting in photo I...

and I got over the fight with my mom. She let me back into her life when I lied to her face. That's really sad actually!

Going on an adventure with Gregory after schoooooooooooooool...

And Becca and Justin are back together...not sure how I feel about that. How much do two people have to destroy each other before they realize that they're wrong?

Hmmmmmmmm...

Got kicked out of the house on Sunday, and went to stay with dad. Only now Mom is saying I have to go home or she'll call the cops? I just keep saying, 5 months, 5 months, 5 months...ugh...I have 5 months until I can move out. I am so ready to. Fuck this. Fuck screwed up parents.

BUT i won't let this beat me. And I won't spew my problems everywhere....

I'm a warrior and I'll fight this

IT'S ALMOST THE WEEKEND

I am so excited about the weekend! Tonight I have Hu-Hot with Gregs family cause of my birthday. They really like me which is super nice because I like them toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Especially his dad. That man makes me giggle big time.

I'm really sleep deprived all the time. And tomorrow Melanie and I are determined to find prom dresses! ITS SO GREAT.

I love Mr. Jensen. Just saying...

I love you I love i loooooove you...that's all I have to say...

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...dear greg jensen,
I think you're really cute and love you lots
from libby

So, mom took away my phone because I yelled at her about reading ALL OF KENZIE'S NOTES. every last fucking one...Idk how she justitifies this stuff in her head! Seriously, what the fuck?

Had dinner with Ziggy today...that was really nice. i love just sitting and talking even though we're both too damn exhausted to have much to say. Me with school and him with work.

Well...that's all folks

and i got my phone back :)

Libby's Weekend...

I had a very interesting weekend...we'll start with the bad stuff...

I had the house to myself friday and saturday night. The cellar flooded and my car's battery died. Also, Justin Williamson left that night. Without really informing many people about his intentions. He just....left? And I don't understand how a person can do that. I mean, honestly, it's selfish. Because I had to comfort so many people about him leaving. I'm sick of people bailing and thinking its ok. ITS NOT. No matter who you are, you will be sorely missed.

Gregory was upset. And why wouldn't he be? His best friend just up and left him! Callie and Becca were upset too. And Justin's sister Sara. She called me sobbing...I've comforted so many crying girls because of that kid. And I still don't believe he's a bad person. I think he doesn't know the value of himself...he doesnt think him leaving will effect anyone. And it does.

However, Sara was not in school today. And word on the street is that she was going to get Justin back.

I understand the need to fly away. But for the love of God set up a job somewhere...have a plan. Don't just fucking leave...

NOW FOR THE GOOD STUFF :D

I spent basically all weekend with Gregory. It was positively lovely. He took my hand and traced 'I <3 U' into my palm and I just about melted. Honestly, I've never felt this way about somebody...he makes me feel beautiful and loved. I can't wait for the summer when I'll be able to see him all the time...yeah I think that'll be just lovely!

Oh, and he bought me 'Plants VS Zombies' And that is bloody lovely. I LOVE THAT GAME!

Hmmmmm hmmmm hmmmm...

The Theatre II show shall end in less than a week...and then...

...that's it.

No more Theatre...I am no longer an actress or a technician. I'm just another girl! Well, I guess thats what happens. Onto new adventures...

As I am growing up and learning new things and understanding myself more and more I am going to make a list of things that I feel I want to do with my life...a bucket list...here's a few things...(have i done this before?)

1. Fall In love that never ends
2. Have a child
3. Go to ireland
4. Meet Johnny Depp
5. Shoot/Stab a man in defense of someone I love
6. Win a major battle
7. Understand people
8. Get a college degree
9. Earn a black belt
10. Learn to play an instrument
11. Ride horses through a field
12. Save someone

yeah...that's just a few ;)

Paging Dr. Jensen...

mmmmmmmmmmmm life is fine...

The show is almost over. And greg's back for spring break! :D and that's really nice because I get to see my darling as much as I want! And that, my friends, is downright magical! :DDDDDDD

We eat lunch together everyday...and i love it. Next year it'll be this way all the time! :O happy happy days...

I don't understand?

So today I was pondering about Elias and some other things and I began to wonder...why people just pick up and leave...

Is it because they're inherently bored? Because they want to go out and explore? Or is it simply an impluse they give into? A spur of the moment compulsion to dare the world to end them...

It's ludicrious. I find these people disgustingly selfish...you are not JUST YOU. you will never be JUST YOU. You are, at your core, a compilation of people who love you, and people that you love back. I just really don't understand it at all...

how can you do that? Do these travelers just not have any kind of empathy or thought?

I don't understand...I just don't understand...

WHAT THE FUCK??!?

So, I was talking to Melanie's Chinese exchange student Shirley, and she's a Junior in High school and guess what??!

SHE HAD NO IDEA WHAT SEX WAS.

They don't teach them it in China at all. They only tell the girls that they'll bleed once a month but nothing about what it means reproductively! That legit blew my mind...to not know what it is and at our age??! She didn't know how babies were made or anything. And that is legit insane. I have absolutely no idea how I would have the sexual feelings that I do, not understand them, and not kill myself. Honestly, I would just think I was toooooooooooo naughty...

Anyways...thats my afternoon update.

Left to right now...

Sooooooooooooooo...asked Trimble to Spinsters...should be fun. That kids a blessing he really is! :D

The theatre II show is literally killing me

among other things...

I love you Gregory :)

TAKE MY EMPATHY AWAY

I'm so sick of this useless part of meeeeeeeeeee

I need to stop trying to save everyone...like tonight I can't sleep because Garrett's having a crisis and needs me. It's exhausting. But at what point can I say no? People just keep coming and coming...

Is beauty a gift? Something to strive for? or is it just a weapon?

Gregory is suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch a blessing. I honestly am not sure how I could have gotten through a lot of the past couple months without him...he gives me peace...

in a lifetime of war

Environmental science is hella boring...

Soooooooo...sometimes I feel beautiful and sometimes i really REALLY dont...

and that's weird I think. I mean, how can you believe what you think about your body image if it changes so goddamn much? I went shopping with Angie and Tasha yesterday...and I love them both. But I'm just so fat compared to them. It's ridiculous. I couldn't find a single flipping dress that fit me. Which doesn't matter I guess, since at this point I probably am not going to Spinsters? I asked Alex and got rejected...VIA TURTLE.

But, back to what I was saying...I think I'm going on a mission to lose weight. Because I pretty much hate my body...except it's more than that. It's a desire to better myself...cause shit yo, I want to look like my sister. I really do. She's so flipping skinny. Goddamn it. Why did she win the genetic fucking lottery and I got stuck with this? I know I might be overreacting...I'm just really flipping stressed about it. About a lot of things...

I spent eighty fucking dollars on the Theatre II show. I'm getting paid back but still it's upsetting that I had to do that. Whatever.

There are not a lot of things that make me happy at Lincoln anymore...and I'm sick too. Not 'ha ha ha I'll get over it soon sick'

My hearts infected for the second time in two months. It can be fought by antibiotics, but still. I'm scared. Really, really scared. What if I have a heart attack? It's a real possibility...I could just cease to exist. What if that happened? I can't just die and leave you all here to stumble through this shitty thing called High School without me. I don't mean to make it sound like I'm Jesus or something but a lot of people depend on me. I need to stay alive...

Weekend breakdown

Hmmmmmmmmm well I haven't posted in a while on account of me being at my dad's, who doesn't believe in internet...

I had a really amazing weekend! :O

Friday was stupid play practice, but then Greg and I went to his house and cuddled a bunch on his couch! Then we went to Melanie's boyfriend's house and watched Jurassic park! LOL I've decided that no movie can impress Greg because he's always finding the little inconsistances in the scenes.

Saturday I worked and had the worse day I've ever fucking had there. A kid vomited in the cinedome, a kid came up to me crying cause he couldn't find his mom AND a late seater in a wheelchair needed to be let into a movie all in THREE seconds. Not even lying. Plus then I look outside and somebodys getting arrested out front. Lol that made me laugh. It was an awful bloody day. BUT I went back to Gregory's and we had some good times there. He's such a sweetie. Then we went to Annie's, then to Jakes.

Sunday was pretty much Greg time too...

mmmmmmmmmmm he's amazing...I really think I could spend the rest of my life with this one...just because i'm never bored with him, and he's always playing little games with me and stuff. It's tons of fun! :DDDDDDDD

I miss Merecedes...

To elaborate...

Earlier I said that I didn't like the term 'falling in love' and I'd say that still goes...I figured a better sentence! Or term...

Wandering into love. It's like exploring a new place...say you come to the edge of some unknown woods that you'd like to see more of. You wander in a little bit. Get to know the person more...and there are beautiful things to be seen. Gorgeous, wonderful, fantastic things that make your heart beat faster and your eyes almost explode because there's so much to take in...but you keep wandering. Because at this point you don't have a choice. You have to see whats deeper...till eventually you do. And once again it's...infinitely more gorgeous and warm than you could ever imagine...

This relates to my life because Greg gets better every day. I am so happy :)

Imma go to sleeeeeeeeeeeep soon

Today was a shitty day at work and yesterday was too. i get really angry at people who yell at me when the problem is so obviously NOT MY FAULT. I don't fucking control when a pipe breaks and gets water in the projector. Sorry i'm not a water bender...

I had dinner with Taylor tonight. It was great. We talked for two and a half hours. It was really quite lovely. I adore talking to him because he understands my brain so much better than I can ever explain.

On a sidenote...I hate my mom when she talks during TV shows. Something amazing and emotional will happen, and she'll ruin it by talking. ugh ugh ugh. Whatever. We just need to learn to savor emotions.

gregory is really just what I need...it's fantastic :)

There are places I remember...

All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone, and some remain...


Huh...this song makes me feel nostalgic...

Here's a list of things I miss from my past...

1. I miss having dinners with Ziggy where he told me his problems, and listened to mine.
2. I miss Sean's friendship. It is probably not OK to say, but there it is
3. I miss Rich just in general. I miss the mischeif we would get into >:D
4. I miss adventures with Merecedes...but darling I'm getting another car. So we'll have plenty of those :)
5. I miss Taylor Trimble. The clock is ticking...he'll leave and I'll die a little

Here's a list of things I'm nervous about in the present:
1. FAFSA
2. What I'm going to major in...
3. If I'll measure up to what people expect from me
4. If I'll fuck up my new relationship
5. I'm nervous I'm not enough to do what I want

Here's a list of things I'm excited for in the future:
1. College
2. Seeing the person I'll become
3. The Weekend
4. For the Theatre II show to be OVER
5. Love

hmmmm...here's what I think

I'm not sure if the term falling in love is accurate? I mean...falling implies it's something we cannot control. And when you fall you always hit something...so maybe we could call it wandering into love? A process where you feel like you're exploring an unknown planet, and you just want to run through it and see everything...

but patience my children...experience must be tempered with judgement...

Yeah I just quoted Origins. Say what you want about a show, but I enjoyed the writing. It wasn't so deep that I was lost, but deep enough to provoke thought. Certainly enough to convince me that we were set up from the start to fall. Which makes sense. Being God would be awfully boring if you only had two very well behaved children!

...Maybe Lucifer was right to fight...maybe I should fight too. Fight my superiors who are wrong. Fight every injustice I see in the world...

But I am so tired. A good man died a death he didn't deserve. And he was married to a Pastor who changed my life. How can I continue having faith when I can't even see that those who do are happy? Or am I dirtying it? I suppose true faith is something you're born into, not something you can learn quickly or superficially.

How can I have hope in a higher power when I don't have faith for what it created? For the human race? i wish I had answers...

I wish I had hope.

huh...

Have you ever just frozen? Looked around and wondered...why? Why am I here? What am I doing? Is it beneficial? To me? To the world? To anyone? Does anyone actually give a fuck?

For example, once this pointless class is over I'll go do some pointless teching...for a show that nobody will remember in five years. I feel like I'm floating...

Like there's not much to tie me down...here.

Lincoln doesn't need me anymore. I'm ready to move on.

I so dearly wish...

Gregory came down from SDSU to see me today! :D Because...my sister's best friend's dad died. Sounds ridiculous, huh? That I would be upset by that...but guess what? He was married to the only woman who made me believe there was a god. Plus the Theatre II show was...difficult. IS difficult. I have to move many set pieces.

And design a fucking balcony! A GODDAMN SECRET BALCONY. for those of you that are like 'what?' yeah I know. Doesn't make much sense to me either. BECAUSE IT'S INSANE.

Seeing gregory was super nice though! We went to mcdonalds...and it was super nice. I miss him when he's not around

My pinky huuuuuuuuuuurts

So, I'm exhausted. Three days of work in a row. And the goddamn painted turtle Felix bit me and broke the skin on my pinky. I bled quite a bit. Not gonna lie, it was upsetting. So I took him out and made the little fucker run laps. Because I don't appreciate being bitten...

I love it when Mom blabbers on about stuff that I don't care about...I tune her out so flipping much.

I got a hair cut! not too drastic, but I got some bangs and also revamped my layers just a little bit. I like it a lot.

Valentines day was a treat! Greg got me some absolutely gorgeous orchids. They picture above is a crappy one I took with my phone but the beautiful colors are there! And I got him a Rise Against sweatshirt to replace the one that I kind of stole from from him... :) We also ordered in Chinese Food and watched 'Hes Just Not that Into You' (which Greg enjoyed a little bit I think) and also 'Blades of Glory'. I forgot how much I adored that movie. Lol I think my favorite line is when John Heder says 'Get out of my face!' and then Will says 'I'll get INSIDE your face!' oh yeah!

Well I love you all! <3

I don't fucking know...

So the cast list for 'While the Lights Were Out' went up today. And I got the role I wanted...but...Tasha didn't get in. Now some of you might be thinking 'oh libby's fighting for sillyness again' Only I'm not. Arbies didn't cast Sean either. And that pisses me off. She should cast everyone in her fucking class. Those are the goddamn rules. So i renounced the title and instead chose to be a stage manager. Now, this way I'm helping Annie not kill herself AND i honestly think I'll have more fun this way. Also, I really am applying for a Theatre scholarship and I do need to put some stage time on there somewhere other than acting. Just sayin'...oh and building the balcony is really being an issue. Cause Arbies is REALLY unrealistic about what she wants for this set. For Christ sake you can't put a flipping blue sky drop in the Little Theatre! It just cannot be done. 'Nough said. Oh, and for Tech I can make my own hours. When I say we're done with Tech, we're done with Tech. AND after we get the balcony figured out we're pretty much done with Tech. So that's really nice!



Photography is going pretty good! I got my camera and I have dubbed it Artemis. Not going to lie. Right now we're doing a project on the principles and elements of design...so the pictures need to be pretty basic. So far I'm having funs with that.



Dear Gregory,
I adore you too ;) Oh, and you shouldn't think that you're ever going to beat me at a snowball fight...just saying...

Love, Libby



Merecedes darling I MISSSSSSSSSSSS YOU. A flipping lot...ugh. There's so much I am missing out on with your life I feel. And I am sorry I feel like you might need me and I just don't catch you enough. It's my fault...

Gooodness

Well ladies and gents Greg finally found my blog...so howdy there gregory. You're cute!

try outs for the Theatre II show were today and that was great! Except not...I'm scared that I'll get cast being married to Sean. And then that'll be awkward...

annie are you ok? are you ok Annie?

You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth criminal...

I must hold my tongue though it breaks my heart...

oh please please please not my little girl. The one I said I would protect. The one who means more to me than anyone can ever understand...

The girl who can read my mind and tell me what's wrong before I can even know.

Take my soul, take my blood, take my eyes. Hurt me world. Rob me of everything if it means that my Kenzi will not feel the taste of heartbreak.

I'll never forgive myself for this.

Hmmmmmmmmm...

Today was a glorious day. Went ice skating...Greg taught me how. I'm not a quick learner though and I'm pretty sure he'll have to show me again next time we go. But, I figured something out about our relationship that makes it special. I can make mistakes in front of him without feeling self concious. It's been a while since that's happened. Because, when he says he doesn't care, he really doesn't. And that means a lot to me.

Tomorrow school picks up again...vomit...

oh went and saw Sherlock Holmes. Twas ok...I'm not a huge fan though.

Oh dearling, let's drive away. Let's get into your car, plug in the ipod and drive. You take my hand, and I'll follow you everywhere.

Adorable and Fun?! Wha??!?!

One act festival went very well I think! We'll find out tonight if we got a superior! I'm not going to the award ceremony though. I would rather stay home and sleep in. WAIT. then some of you say 'Libby it's eight in the morning! You're not sleeping in!' Well, this is where I point to Kenzi, and say hey it's her fault. She woke me up to ask about her outfit. And when I asked her why she had to do that she said 'Well it's over now isn't it?'

Yesterday was a good day. I went to the one act competition and that was really fun. Then Greg and I went to his house and hung out for five hours. Have you ever made out for five hours? I mean, good god, my jaw is actually sore. :D but it was tons of fun. He gave me a foot rub and it was probably the nicest nonsexual thing that a guy has done for me physically.

I am really tired, but excited for today. Greg and I are going to a movie. I might go prom dress shopping with my mom and my Aunt Jo. That's really fun.

Totally exhausted...

We ran the show quite a bit today. Ugh, it's such a pain. But I think we'll do a good job. It's weird to think that last year at this time Addison had freshly dumped me! Holy shit...

I got my acceptance letter from SDSU today! I'm really excited for it! :D I wish I knew what my major was going to be...but whatevers I'll figure it out

Today was A good Day

I had a really great night last night with Gregory. I pretty much adore him. He's a sweetie pie...he gave me his sweatshirt and like pounds and pounds of my favorite candy. It was really fun. I think I'm gonna get him like five or six Seroogy's bars. His sweatshirt smells delicious...

I'm really nervous about financial aid for college. It's really messed up...ugh the forms. Honestly, without Kevin there to help me out with it I'd be really lost and kind of ready to choke a bitch. Oh, and speaking of Kevin, we were going to a financial aid meeting at the school and the brakes in his car gave out on the intersection of 33rd and minnesota and we just about died. But we didn't! So, that's nice.

Last night!

I spent last night with Greg at Melanie's party. It was a good party :) And laying in Greg's arms was really nice :) :) :)

Hmmm...

My itunes has decided to flip out and delete itself! Sadness??! yes, fucking sadness...because now when I go back and drag up a library it all says 'previous itunes'...and that's fucking annoying. Cause there go all my playlists and stuff...ugh. whatevers its just obnoxious...because now I'm afraid to plug in my ipod and losing all my playlists! grrrr!

Hmmmm...Origins is a stressful place. But we can make it. I know we can. I KNOW we can. We have to. Cause we're LHS drama. And thats what we do...

I approve of Callie and Garrett's relationship cause it makes Callie smile, and she should always smile. Garrett was sick today though so he was being a dick to me. Whatevs.

I miss Greg a lot when he's not around. It depresses me sometimes. But I keep going with my life. Because I'll be able to graduate and get the fuck out of stupid high school...

Tasha-I'm not saying that to offend you. As much as I love you, I can't stay. It's become a poisonous leech that sucks on my heart. I despise it...

Hey...hey you. You're cute :D

So, I'm having a great life! I think maybe once the summer hits and we don't have to see each other every day Sean and I will be cool again...and that's fine. Dude, if you're reading this, and you want a truce...so do I. We've both done some fucked up stuff this last couple of months. And I apologize fully for my actions. I ask you do the same, and maybe we can be close again. Or not. I guess the ball's in your court.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gregory...:D He's a really great kid...just saying. I mean...he does everything I ask him to IN MY HEAD. I'll be like, 'hmmm I sure wish greg would push my hair outta my face...' and then he will...lol it's kind of amazing? Plus I never get bored with him. He always makes me laugh until I don't think I can breathe. And that's gorgeous. Just like him...mmmmmmmmmmmmm I love it.

Ziggy and Sonya are official now. Gotta say bud, I'm impressed. You out-played both Leif and Alex. LOL it's definetly the red hair...just saying...I'm happy for you two though! Just stay away from those elevators ;) oh, and i guess this means that alex is my official work husband...or maybe leif...hell maybe Skip! LOL. oh jeez.

Merecedes...I just realized that I miss you! Loves my dear.